Better with Time

I have been so incredibly busy these past weeks. I have found that I have had little or no time for myself. Work has been crazy, but it appears I might be finally getting myself out of the weeds.

My husband found out at the end of last month that his reconsideration for his unemployment was denied---again. This was the last opportunity he had to win his case, aside from us potentially hiring a lawyer for $2,500 (yeah, right) to TRY to win it without a guarantee of doing so. This was a blow to us considering I am now responsible for providing for four people on my pittance of a salary, which won’t increase for three years thanks to our disgrace of a governor. I digress.

Mike is really bummed about not being able to find a job. I am sure it is affecting him more than he is leading me to believe, and I do not blame him. I tell him that this is the way of the world right now and we are in the midst of the worst economy we have had in decades. He smiles and tells me that he knows, but I can see in his eyes that it is bothering him that he is not contributing to our household income. I also know he is upset that he cannot work on his hobby of restoring his 1988 Lincoln Towncar either, because of the money situation. It crushes me that I cannot allow him to do something that he likes to do because we simply cannot afford it.

My children have thoroughly enjoyed having my husband at home with them. My oldest, Brody, often asks why he no longer goes to “Lisa’s house” (our previous childcare provider) and I tell him that it is because Daddy is now staying home with him. Brody smiles at this. My youngest, Byron, follows my husband everywhere. He is a doppelganger for my husband at his age. The fact that my children dote on my husband makes me feel more at ease.

At times I admit that I am a bit jealous over the amount of time my husband had to spend with our children. I see my children three hours a day during the week. I am not exaggerating, although I wish I was. They have grown so much over the last few months that it makes my heart hurt. Next week we are going on vacation for almost a week and I hope that by spending that amount of time with him that I will feel less pained. This is how it needs to be right now and I can only hope that it will become easier to deal with over time.