A Christmas Song

Chestnuts roasting on an open fire,
Jack Frost nipping at your nose,
Yuletide carols being sung by a choir,
Folks dressed up like Eskimos...

The version of "A Christmas Song" sung by Nat King Cole is my favorite Christmas song -- ever. When my father died last year a week before Christmas, it was the song I had heard continously throughout the day. My father knew it was my favorite song. I do believe he had a bit of "influence" in sending it to me that day. It did make a difference.

This year when I heard the song for the first time, it made me cry. It brought back all of the details of the day. I can still feel how my breath escaped my chest as I heard he had died. The crushing blow almost made me fall to the carpet of the "grief room" of St. John's Hospital in Maplewood. I was devastated. No words can describe how I felt.

The month following his death was filled with anger, sadness and hopelessness. I kept thinking that I could have done something to prevent it, but that wasn't true. I spent many months going through counseling in order to feel a sense of normalcy. Although I feel better now than I did then, I still have scars.

This year is different. I no longer feel the sadness that hung on me for the first half of the year. I am hopeful for what is in store for 2011.

Although it's been said, many times, many ways,
Merry Christmas, to you.

The "W" Word

I told myself that I wouldn't talk about work in my blog posts anymore, but I guess I was lying to myself. Last month I had a review on my job performance that I would like to call "Assumption and Hearsay". Let's just say that there are some people who would prefer that I stay in the current position I have as I cover a lot of the work that they are supposed to do on a daily basis. When I have voiced concern over the fact that I have not been promoted since I have taken my position (three years ago), I was told that I was "difficult" and "not professional enough" to be considered for a promotion. Whatever. After I was part of that lovely conversation, I decided that I was done; no more worrying about things that take place in my life from 8:30 a.m. until 5:30 p.m. It doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things.



I have applied for enumerated job positions since one of my co-workers threw me under the bus a year ago. It was someone who I thought was a friend, but that was a mistake in itself. People who work with you are very rarely your true friends. They want to know about your personal business so that they can use it to their advantage by having "information" on you. A real friend would not throw a person to the wolves in order to save themselves from any issues they might be having with their own inability to work hard and complete pressing tasks. Needless to say, the phone and emails are not coming in to welcome me to a new job opportunity.

I know it will happen someday...it is just the waiting that is the hardest part.

I'm Back!

Due to the ban placed on my activites pertaining to Blogger at work, I have been very bad at keeping up with my blog. I know it is a pathetic excuse, but it is what it is. :) I can update everyone on what has been happening in my life over the last six months (for those who care):

1) I *heart* the gym.
Yes. I never thought I would say that, but it is true. Since the end of August I have dilligently been working out and have lost 37 lbs. It has been difficult, but I have been able to do it consistently and feel wonderful as a result.

2) My boys!
I have found that motherhood has been the best job I have ever had. I look at my older posts and smile at the time that has passed since I first starting writing about my children. My oldest, Brody, is now five and will be starting kindergarten next fall and my youngest, Byron, will be four in January. I am truly blessed and very fortunate.

3) My husband is my best friend.
Next month it will be five years and six months since I married my husband, who I consider to by my best friend. The road has been rocky at times, but I am very glad to have him as a partner in life. It is hard for me to recall what my life was like before we met -- which I never thought I would be able to say! :)

4) Other things...
I feel as if 2010 has been a year of discovery for me. I have learned a lot about myself as a person and I am starting to truly love who I am. Since my father's death almost a year ago, I have been able to mend my relationship with my mother and understand the true importance of family in my life. It has taken me a long time to get to this place and I love the comfort of it. I owe huge kudos to my life coach, Angie, who has been a wonderful listener and a tremendous asset to me.

I hope I will be able to create more posts in the future as I am able. Blessings! :)