A Christmas Song

Chestnuts roasting on an open fire,
Jack Frost nipping at your nose,
Yuletide carols being sung by a choir,
Folks dressed up like Eskimos...

The version of "A Christmas Song" sung by Nat King Cole is my favorite Christmas song -- ever. When my father died last year a week before Christmas, it was the song I had heard continously throughout the day. My father knew it was my favorite song. I do believe he had a bit of "influence" in sending it to me that day. It did make a difference.

This year when I heard the song for the first time, it made me cry. It brought back all of the details of the day. I can still feel how my breath escaped my chest as I heard he had died. The crushing blow almost made me fall to the carpet of the "grief room" of St. John's Hospital in Maplewood. I was devastated. No words can describe how I felt.

The month following his death was filled with anger, sadness and hopelessness. I kept thinking that I could have done something to prevent it, but that wasn't true. I spent many months going through counseling in order to feel a sense of normalcy. Although I feel better now than I did then, I still have scars.

This year is different. I no longer feel the sadness that hung on me for the first half of the year. I am hopeful for what is in store for 2011.

Although it's been said, many times, many ways,
Merry Christmas, to you.