Instant Karma

We all shine on; like the moon, and the stars, and the sun...

Yesterday was an interesting day. Mike called me at work to tell me that he was offered a temporary position working for a company in Columbia Heights doing the same work he had done before. He would be required to work 10 hour days that would begin at 4:00 p.m. The pay is $3 less than what he was making before, and it would be a longer drive for him as well. The other downside to this position is that since he would be required to work 10 hour days, he would not get home until 3 a.m. and possibly not to sleep until 4 a.m. I work at 8:30 a.m. Brody usually gets up at 7:00 a.m. As Brody grows older, he does not like long naps in the morning any longer. I fear that this position will not be the greatest for Mike or our family. Needless to say, I told him to take it. If it does not work, then we will deal with that later. We also do not know if this position will last two weeks, or potentially longer. We need money right now and that is the bottom line.

I also had a doctor's appointment yesterday afternoon and I found out that the child I am carrying is breech. This is not good news at all. I am hoping he will have a change of heart and do a somersault sometime in the near future. He is measuring two-weeks ahead of his size, which is not a surprise at all. I do not need a c-section with this pregnancy because it would require me to be out from work longer than the two weeks I had already anticipated being out for. Since my employer does not have a short-term disability policy, any time I take off for my pregnancy is unpaid (aside from the two weeks I currently have banked in vacation and sick time).

I really wish there was a simple solution to these problems. But, like the song says, I guess we all just have to "shine on".

Still the same

I really like the song, "Still the Same" by Bob Seger (who is incidentally playing at the Xcel Center tonight). It is about a woman who like to play games without holding herself responsible for anything that comes from the game playing. She is a distant person who does not allow herself to become attached to anyone. I think the reason I like it so much is because that person used to be me.

I laugh about a lot of the things that I used to do. I am not sure if it is because I am humored by my previous actions, or if it is just because I cannot think of how else to feel about what I have done in the past. For example, when I was 21, I went to 'Club Hideaway' off of Rice St. with my friend at the time, Laurie, and told her that I could get the next guy who came out of the restroom to kiss me. I don't remember the name of the guy who was the lucky recipient of my kiss, but I do remember that he was wearing a light blue, button-down oxford shirt. I told him that I was getting married the next weekend and all I had wanted to do was know what it was like to kiss another man who was not my husband. He was willing to oblige, as long as I did it in front of his friend. Whatever. I did it and my friend was shocked to say the least. Well, at least I didn't have sex with Steven Pearcy from Ratt in the back of his tour bus like she did.

I need a drink and a cigarette

Last week there was an interesting booklet that was included in the St. Paul paper. It featured recipes for enumerated alcholic drinks and what wine went with which food. I know that this isn't the most important thing I should be thinking about right now, but I cannot help it. I was practically drooling over the recipes for chocolate martinis and margaritas.

I realize that after the birth of my second child that my chances of being able to get drunk are slim to none. Let's face it; no one will want to watch an infant and a one-year-old overnight so mommy can have a few cocktails. That would be like asking someone to undergo unneccessary surgery for the fun of it. Perhaps I am feeling sorry for myself given my current life situation, but this is the prime time for my selfish tendencies to show.

In my recent dreams I dream that I am sitting at a bar with two drinks in front of me and a pack of Marlboro Ultra Lights (box). In the dreams I am able to drink, drink, and drink some more without any repercussions. I also smoke like a chimney in the same dreams. Nice, huh? I think it is rather sad that I am dreaming about alcohol and cigarettes. I should be dreaming about something more realistic, but why? My dreams are a means of escapism. Tonight I will be sure to order another tall Bud Light and smoke another 10 cigarettes.

The importance of being earnest

I look for jobs for my husband every day. I do this because it is easier for me to search at work during the day than it is for him to try to get on-line from our house (we have dial-up) and try to look while caring for Brody. This morning I found a position that was perfect. Although it was from 8 p.m. to 6:00 a.m., it was the same work my husband had been doing previously. I told him about it and he was interested despite the graveyard hours. Did I mention it was from Sunday to Wednesday? Only four days? Anyway, I sent off his resume and he received a response immediately. He was not pleased that it was located in Coon Rapids (we live in IGH), but he was willing to meet with the HR representative nonetheless.

At noon I received a phone call from my husband at work telling me that the place he was going to was much further than he thought; it was almost in Anoka. He also said that his mother asked him when he was going to get any sleep when he worked until 6:00 a.m., and then I left for work at 8:00 a.m. I told him that I was under the assumption that his parents were still going to help with our daycare situation. He then asked me if I would bring the children (since #2 will be here in less than two months) to his parents' house before I went to work in the morning, and I told him yes. I didn't think it would be that much of an issue for his parents to help us since they told us before that they were more than willing to help us out with whatever we needed. I didn't like the way my husband was presenting this to me; it was as if he was already throwing away the whole notion of working for this company even before he had an interview with them.

About a half an hour ago, I received another phone call from my husband. This time it was more frantic. He asked me what the phone number was to the place he was interviewing at because he could not find it. His interview was at 1:00 and he was calling me at 1:05. I was livid. I asked him why he was calling me now when he had been in the area for at least an hour already. He told me he wasn't there that long, but it didn't make any sense. If he knew it was on the border of Anoka at noon, then why was he calling me at 1:05 wondering where it was? I gave him the number and hung up.

I do not know what to think at this point. I am mad at my mother-in-law for telling my husband she didn't think this was a good position for him. Is she planning on supporting us until my husband finds a job? I doubt it. I am also upset with my husband for throwing away the hope of landing the position before he goes to the interview. I really feel that he shouldn't be picky at this point in time, but he is. For me, it is difficult to understand why he isn't overtly gushing over any position I put before him.

It ain't over till it's over

The saga of the employment position continues. I will try to sum it up as best as possible...

1) Mike attended meeting
2) Employer said Mike is still fired
3) Union rep tells Mike it isn't over until union board votes on position on Wednesday
4) Mike thinks he'll know about job future on Wednesday until he calls union rep again and finds out this is only the preliminary voting to decide if they will appeal Mike being fired by the board
5) Mike finds out mediation process can take 4-9 months
6) Mike calls temporary agencies and cannot find work

Should I continue? I think I won't. This whole thing reminds me of Dante's "Inferno"; but I am not quite sure which "Circle of Hell" this would fall into. Hmmm...too bad I don't have more idle time to ponder that one.

Things could be a lot worse than what they are. This statement is starting to wear on me--kind of like the advice of my in-laws. Did I say that out loud? Well, I guess I did. Perhaps tomorrow will be better; it will be another day.

These days I feel my life is like a river running through...

This morning Cities 97 played one of my most favorite songs ever: "Year of the Cat" by Al Stewart. It wasn't just the regular radio version either; it was the extended version that included the piano solo at the beginning. It was nice to have such a treat this cold November morning.

I am beginning to feel more at ease about the fact that my husband is jobless. I haven't cried yet today, so that is a good thing. After tomorrow morning, I will feel even better. Tomorrow will go one of two ways: Mike is offered his job back or he isn't offered his job back. I really hope it is over for good. I feel it is time for us to have a clean break from the whole thing and try to get some normalcy back into our lives. I am doing everything that I can to keep my family secure and that is all I can do. The things that I cannot control or fix are completely out of my hands.

It's always darkest before it goes pitch black

Despair. Isn't it lovely? I am in the midst of complete and total despair. My husband was denied his unemployment benefits yesterday. I had a complete and total breakdown and went into hysterics as I drove home from work yesterday afternoon. Did I mention that I am in my third trimester of my pregnancy? Well, I am. I had no business getting worked up the way I did. It just happened that way.

I used to care about what was going on in the world, but now I could care a less. I now wonder if I am going to be able to feed my family, if there will be a roof over our heads, if my unborn child will be born premature, etc. I think one can get the jist of what I am speaking of. I have not had my hair cut since June and I am in dire need of a color touch up as well. Do I care? No. These things are petty and will have to wait until other things are taken care of.

My husband seems to think that he will be getting his job back at his former place of employment on Friday. He has a meeting with his union representative and the bitch who authorized his termination. I have always subscribed to the belief that people who do bad onto others will, in turn, have bad things happen to them. Karma; it is a blessed thing.

Practicing politics

I don't want to discuss last night's election results. Instead, I wish to discuss one politican who made a difference to me: Sen. Paul Wellstone. I have a nice narrative that I wish to share...

It was a beautiful summer day at the Minnesota State Fair. I had had my share of Sweet Martha's Cookies and I was ready to go home. As my ex-husband and I began to walk towards the exit of the fair, we saw that a large line had formed in front of us. I asked my ex if he could see what the line was for, and he said it was Sen. Paul Wellstone. I was intrigued and asked my ex to stand in line with me to speak to the Senator. He refused, which is something he usually did when I asked him to do something I wanted to do. I told him that I was going to wait no matter how long it took.

Wellstone made his way through the line; spending time with each person who had stood in line to speak to him. Not once did he glance at his watch or put someone off in order to greet the next person in line. He listened to each and every person who had waited in line to talk to him.

As he got closer, I heard his assistant, Will McLaughlin, tell him that he needed to go because he was late for a radio interview. Wellstone told McLaughlin that he would have to be late because it was more important to talk to the people of Minnesota who had waited in line to speak to him. When he got to me I told him that I was very impressed with the work he had done and that I was planning on voting for him again at the next election. He thanked me and told me that it was important to hear the voices of all those in Minnesota who believed in him and the work he had done.

I know a lot of people were angered by Wellstone's position on same-sex marriages, but that is only one political issue. He was a marvelous individual who died before his work was done. I admit I was angered over the memorial service that turned into a political rally after his passing, but it didn't change the way I felt about him as an individual.

Do on to others as they do on to you

This morning I ordered a medium coffee at McDonalds and I was given a small. Instead of just giving me a medium coffee like I had ordered, the employee at the second window made it a point to reprint my receipt from the first window and hand it to me, stating I had ordered the small. I told her that it wasn't my problem that the order taker hadn't heard me (this store did not have the order show up on a screen in front of you for preapproval) and that she shouldn't be arguing with me because the customer is always right. With that being said, I balled up the second receipt and threw it back in through the drive-thru window.

My son received his 12-month shots today, which also included a blood draw for his hemoglobin. Since he is still at the stage in life in which he cannot have blood drawn from his arm, a lab technician pricked his finger with a needle. Brody was a trooper and did not begin to cry until she had been using his finger as a cow utter for three minutes. I thought the whole process was ridiculous. She told me to put a piece of gauze on his finger to stop the bleeding, which worked for 5 seconds before he started to squirm and almost fall to the floor. I informed the techinician that it was not working and that she needed to give me something else to stop his finger from bleeding. What was her solution? Five gauze pads and a band-aid. I watched her as she tried to put the monsterous clump of gauze together with the band-aid and fasten it to his tiny finger. I told her once again it wasn't working and I grabbed Brody and furiously walked back to the exam room. A nurse then tried to put a bandage on his finger, which worked until he put it into his mouth and proceeded to remove it from his finger. Blood was everywhere and I was fit to be tied. Needless to say, it was not a pleasant visit to the pediatrician's office this morning.

I could keep adding other instances identical to these that occurred last week, but I think I will spare myself the effort of writing those down. I am very upset that people no longer think about the way in which they treat others. I am guilty of this as well. I didn't have to throw the receipt back through the drive-thru window; it only put me on the same level of the McDonalds' employee. I didn't have to drag off my son after the lab tech didn't listen to me; it didn't better the situation.

I am not sure what is wrong with my behavior lately, but I really hope this is just a momentary lapse of reasoning.

Saint Brody

Today is "All Saints Day" for the rest of the world, but today, for me, it is known as Brody's birthday.

Here is a recent photo of my sweet baby. I cannot believe that he turns one today. This photo makes me very happy and proud to be a mother.

Brody is always happy and has a very personable demeanor--at least for a one-year old. I love you Brody. Happy 1st Birthday! :)