There needs to be closure

Yesterday my husband had a telephone appeal hearing about his unemployment benefits. Almost a month ago he was able to come to an agreement with his former employer and they were willing to change his termination to a permanent layoff. By taking the "deal" my husband was informed by his union representative that Mike would be entitled to his unemployment benefits without reservation. This was incorrect. When he spoke to the unemployment judge on the telephone, he told Mike that he received a copy of the "deal", but it was only going to be taken into evidence and would not be a deciding factor in his decision. Once again we are left in limbo; wondering if things will be in our favor or not.

As the clock ticks by, I am also troubled by the decision pertaining to our health insurance coverage as well. I have left enumerated messages to the person handling my account for over a week and have yet to receive at least one return phone call. today I left a message for the person's supervisor, but I have not heard a response back. I know it is early in the day, but this is getting ridiculous. The reason I am so worried about this is not only because the clock is ticking toward the end of my pregnancy, but I could potentially receive a refund from my current insurance provider if I receive retroactive coverage. This means I would receive a credit back for over a thousand dollars. Since Mike is not working, this would be wonderful for us to receive.

Although I know I need closure to theose things that have been ongoing for quite some time, I do feel fortunate that I do not have the same problems that my other family members have. My cousin who recently gave birth to a Downs Syndrome child found out that child will also need to have heart surgery because she has a hole in her heart. Children are innocent and do not deserve to suffer.

My father also told me last night that my cousin, who has been married to his wife for over 18 years, was told that she wanted a divorce after she has been meeting her two on-line boyfriends and spending enumerated hours at the bar; smoking and drinking.

It could be worse, but some closure would be nice.

Paranoid

I am at the part of my pregnancy when I am paranoid about everything. I hate this period of time. When I was pregnant with Brody I was convinced that my husband was cheating on me and having sex with someone else while I was at work. I even told my husband at the time that I thought he was doing this. After I told him, I think he asked me if I needed psychological help.

Although I do not feel the way I did about the fabricated "cheating" last time, I still question what my husband is doing with his time. Since he is not working, I feel a bit unsettled. I especially feel so after I come home from work and notice that nothing has been completed throughout the course of the day. I then wonder if taking care of Brody takes that much energy, or if he is doing something else that isn't constructive.

I don't know. I am becoming more and more paranoid as each day passes. I am afraid for the health of my child. I worry when I do not feel movement from him as each hour passes. I go back to the doctor a week from today and I wonder if it is soon enough. I feel like I really have no control over myself anymore. My feelings of paranoia are starting to wear on me. I really need this pregnancy to be over with; once and for all.

Bah, Humbug!

I am really lacking the holiday spirit this year. We did not purchase a tree or deck the halls. I am too tired to do anything when I come home from work and the weekends have been filled with running from one place to another. I still have not completed any holiday shopping for gifts, and, to be honest, I am not sure when I will be able to either. The holidays are not the same anymore.

There used to be a time in which I loved the holidays. It was wonderful to be able to spend time with family and loved ones. Now I feel as if I am being controlled by my family members to do what they want and it really bothers me. I don't think that I would feel as awful if I wasn't pregnant, but I do. I haven't had the energy to do much of anything but get up, eat breakfast, go to work, east lunch, go home, eat dinner and go to sleep. I cannot tell you the last time I did something for myself. It was too long ago to remember.

I really want the holidays to be over with. Yes, I know...bah, humbug!

Keep on moving

Yesterday I had my OB appointment to find out if my chid was head down and on his way out the exit. Guess what? He isn't. It is worse than two weeks ago; he is now transverse, which means he is currently length-wise in my uterus. It is very uncomfortable and I can't hardly breathe with his back pushed into my diaphram. My OB told me that she is just trying to get me to 37 weeks and then I could be induced. This means I have five weeks left of my pregnancy--technically. I guess I will just have to wait and see what happens. Keep moving baby, keep moving.

Watch out! She's foaming at the mouth!

Okay, I admit that I am very neurotic lately. I think being able to admit that is half the recovery process. The next month and a half--or whatever amount of time I have left being pregnant--will be very difficult for me. God bless my husband and other people around me. If I had to put up with myself on a daily basis I think I wouldn't be able to. I think that sounds like telling someone to shut their mouth when they are talking to me. I digress.

This morning I was running late for work and I could not get my shoes on. I felt as helpless as a child when I realized that I could not bend over and put my tennis shoes on. My child-to-be prevents me from doing so. I yelled to my husband to help me with my shoes. I think he thought I was crazy when he saw me trying to put my shoes on without using my hands. I think I will need to wear slip-on shoes from now on. He put my shoes on for me and tied the laces. I then hugged my son and went out into the garage to move my car outside. When I opened the garage door I realized that my husband had parked too close when he had come home from the grocery store last night. I got into my car and proceeded to try to maneuver my car to try to get out of the garage. I hit the garbage cans three times and got so close to the edge of the garage that I could not get out of my car. I began screaming and crawled into the passenger seat to get out of the car. I then went into the house and told my husband that he had better get outside and move his @&*%ing car. He was about to throw his keys to me when I told him that if he didn't move it himself, I was going to make sure it would never move again. As soon as he moved his vehicle, I barreled down the driveway and proceeded to drive to SA for gasoline.

When I got to SA, I was feeling bad that I had been such an ass about my shoes and the garage situation. I got out of my car and put the hose in my car to pump the gas and got back into my car to call Mike. I told him I was sorry for the way I acted and told him that I loved him. He accepted my apology and told me he would call me later. At the time our conversation ended, the gas had stopped pumping. I went to hang up the nozzle when a voice said to me, "Pump 12, Pump 12 you need to be outside of your car when you are pumping your gas." I could not believe it what this bitch had just said to me. I yelled back to the voice so hopefully her and the rest of the people who were at the gas pumps could hear, "@&%$ you! I'll pump my @%&$ing gas anyway I want to!" I then went into SA and I was ready to kick some ass. I grabbed my daily purchase of English Toffee cappuccino and threw my money on the counter. I walked out of the store and got into my car.

I know it will end soon, but not soon enough.

Something for the complaint file

Okay, I know the last month of my blog has revolved around my complaints over my husband losing his job and the like. Although that whole fiasco has really pissed me off, there are several other things that seem to be taking the cake lately. Here they are; in no particular order:

1) My pregnancy
I currently do not weigh as much as I did during my last pregnancy, but for some reason my ass must be bigger. I can no longer fit into the same chairs I used to sit in last year when I was pregnant. So far I have gained 33 pounds with my pregnancy and last time I gained 83. Hmmm... What bothered me the most was when I went to the restroom today at work and as I was walking my child-to-be kicked me very hard. As I put my hand up to my stomach the building cleaning lady asked me if I had a stomach ache. I looked at her appalled at practically yelled at her, "I AM PREGNANT!" She then looked at me as if I were crazy and I proceeded to answer the typical questions pertaining to pregnancy: other children, boy or girl, when due, etc. I don't know. I am now in a state of wonderment about the way I look. Is it normal to look as if one has swallowed a beachball?

2) My job
We are closing on a property at the end of next week and everyone who works here needs an attitude adjustment. I have been coming into work early so I do not have to stay late. Guess what? I have had to stay late because things don't seem to progress around here until 4 p.m. It reminds me of the song in "The Wizard of Oz"...
We get up and then we go to work at one,
Take an hour for lunch and then at two we're done.
Jolly old fun!
Here it is a bit different, but only slightly. People come and go as they please. One person has perpetual doctor appointments. Don't even get me started on that one.

3) My medical insurance
I am currently paying $750 per month for my husband and son to be medically insured. This is a good portion of my total monthly income. It might not seem like a lot of money, but when you are the only person working and trying to support four people (since being pregnant I can count my unborn child) it is a lot to me. I qualify for discounted medical insurance, but I was told that even though I am pregnant, I am not entitled to the stated fifteen-day waiting period because there are a lot of people who have also applied and the main office is overstaffed. Is this my problem? No, it is not. As time ticks by, I am becoming more panicked. I don't want to have to pay an additional $350 in February to insure my newborn when I won't be working full-time.

4) My family
Every year my grandparents have had a massive Christmas celebration at their house for as long as I have been alive. This year I found out that they will not be having the celebration at their house because there is not enough room for the 50+ people to fit in their basement. Instead of going to their house in the cities, we are now all expected to drive to Wyoming, MN on Christmas to celebrate at my aunt and uncle's house (which is considerably smaller than my grandparents' house). Since I have to drive to Forest Lake on Christmas Eve, I am not too willing to drive up there two days in a row. Christmas, to me, is about being able to celebrate with family members. If one side of my family is trying to dominate my participation in holiday activites, it is not fair to the other side.

A day in the life

I read the news today;
Oh boy...

The Har Mar movie theater is closing its doors on Thursday after being open for over 30 years. I must admit that I am a little sad over this news. In the late 70s and early 80s I saw many films there. The one thing I liked the most about Har Mar was the women's restroom. I know, it sounds odd, but if you have been there before, then you should know what I am talking about. In the main theater, which has three screens, there is a women's restroom that is unlike any other. The restroom has stalls that are of every color of the rainbow. When inside the stall, the vanity, sink and toilet are all of the same color. It was like having your own personal bathroom inside of each stall; except for a bathtub or shower. Perhaps I should go one last time and vie for the blue stall; just like I used to do with my cousin Judy when her and I were young. On second thought, I am not that nostalgic over a restroom.

Happy, Happy Birthday Baby

Yes, today is my 33rd birthday. I should also mention that it is my brother Joshua's 19th birthday as well (Happy Birthday, Josh). Do I feel older today? That was the first question asked of me by one of my co-workers this morning. I said no, but I really think I should change that response to a yes. The first thing I did when I came in to work was spill half of a SuperAmerica English toffee cappuccino on my desk; which destroyed a large pile of important papers. Nice. Well, it can only get better from here. Well...maybe.

Last night I began to think back to my previous birthdays. Here are a few of the most memorable (not for good reasons either)...

Birthday #30 - I was sick with a sinus infection and had to leave work early. I went home and felt sorry for myself, so I watched "Gone with the Wind" on DVD. (This is something I usually do when I am ill)

Birthday #29 - I got a free birthday steak from Cherokee Sirloin Room, which was unedible due to the fact it was burnt to a crisp on the outside. I also received dead flowers from my husband at the time. Perhaps it was an early premonition of things to come.

Birthday #21 - The day before this birthday I had went to Perkins with a group of friends and, by accident, left my purse on the roof of my car and drove away. When I noticed its absence later on in the evening, I went back to Perkins and no one had the decency to turn it in. There was over $250 in cash in my purse. I had no license; I could not drink. A week later I received the purse in an USPS Priority Mail box and a note. The note said that the person was sorry, but they had to keep the money that was in my wallet because they needed it more than I did (yeah, right). He/she also told me that he/she was keeping my name and address so that they could return the money to me if he/she "ever hit it big". I am still not holding my breath over that one.

Birthday #14 - I was a selfish and self-hearted adolescent on this birthday because my brother was born and all I could think about was myself. I hate to think about how awful I used to be; that is why it is one of my non-favorite birthdays.

Birthday #4 - My friend across the hall, Kimmie, decided that she was going to cut off all of my ringlet adorned hair because we were playing house and I was the baby. Babies weren't supposed to have hair. My mother screamed bloody-murder throughout our whole apartment complex. I think the screaming is what I remember the most about my Golden Birthday.