The Gas Over Gasoline

Yesterday morning Mike was outside of our home cutting the grass and raking the yard with Brody. I decided to go outside and sweep the sidewalk of the grass clippings when I noticed that Brody was playing with something that looked like a hose. I walked over to where Brody was and I saw that someone had hidden a gas can inside of a burlap sack and a syphon hose was hanging out of the hole for the gas tank of Mike's parents' Suburban, which had been parked adjacent to our garage. Brody had put the hose in his mouth and his clothing and sandals were covered in gasoline. I immediately picked him up and brought him into the house for a bath. Mike discovered that all 40 gallons of gasoline that had been in the Suburban (it had a full tank) had been syphoned out.

Mike called the police and they came over to take a report from him. It was the first call they had received of someone syphoning gas from a vehicle. We also found out while the police were there that our neighbors were also missing half of their gasoline out of their Ford F-150 truck tank (30 gallons).

We decided to buy a key-locking gas cap. With the price of gasoline these days, I am sure we are not the only ones.

The Ex Factor - The Final Chapter

Well... All I can say is that what I saw today has only reaffirmed why I divorced Wayne in the first place.

I entered the side door of the conference room and felt my heart beating out of my chest. I kept envisioning the two scenarios that I had dreamt about. I kept back and peered around the corner and saw that he was sitting at a table. I did not see his face to know it was him, I saw his girth. Wayne has gained AT LEAST 50 pounds since I last saw him (I am being conservative with my estimate). After looking at him for five seconds, I knew I had seen enough. He looked disheveled and unkept. It was evident that he wasn't taking care of himself, nor was anyone else.

My life is better now than it ever was while I was married to Wayne. I have a wonderful and amazing husband, as well as two adorable children. God has truly blessed me with giving me a second chance at marriage and at having a REAL life for myself.

The Ex-Factor - Part II

Tomorrow I know for certain that my ex-husband will be at my place of employment for a training seminar. I found this out two days ago. I am very apprehensive about it and have had nightmares involving him the past two nights. Our marriage did not end on a good terms; it was truly awful. I feel that because it ended badly, I keep having these awful thoughts run through my head.

My nightmares have involved being in the training room and having two different scenarios occur:

1) Wayne comes in, sees me and immediately starts screaming at me about how I have ruined his life and that I shouldn't have selected a job that would involve seeing him. I become extremely embarassed and leave the training session.

2) Wayne comes in, sees me and tells me that he has been hoping that he would see me again and that he feels bad for being so awful to be in his last communication to me. He also tells me still loves me, which causes me to vomit on the floor and I run out in embarassment.

I guess that no matter what happens tomorrow, as long as I don't run out in embarassment, all should be well. At least this is what I am hoping for.

The Ex-Factor

An important part of my new job involves coordinating events for single-family lender partners and their staff. One of our lender partners is Bremer Bank. My ex-husband used to work (and still does from what I am told) for Bremer Bank. Right now, as I write this, my ex-husband can be potentially in the same office building as I am and he can be watching the PowerPoint presentation that I created for our new program. Scary.

It has been over three years since I last saw my ex-husband. The last time I saw him I was seven months pregnant with Brody. I never figured out if he saw me trying to hide myself behind a cooler filled with english muffins and pudding, but I did see him. He had looked the same as he always had, which isn't a compliment.

I cannot stand my ex-husband, which is exactly why I am no longer married to him. The thought that I will potentially be confronting him sometime in the no-so-exact near future is thought enough in itself to make me sick to my stomach. Does that make sense? I will wait to hear from co-workers if he is in the training session. If he is in the training session, perhaps I will have to make a trip down---or not.

One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer (or four)

I don't drink alcohol on a regular basis. I used to drink quite a lot back in my bar hey-days, but I don't anymore. Last Friday I went to "Happy Hour" with my co-workers at the Muddy Pig over on Dale/Selby in St. Paul. It was to celebrate my new job and the promotion of another co-worker who also will be working in the same division as I will be. The Muddy Pig is known for its enumerate microbeer selections. On Friday, my choice of beer was called "Acme IPA". I cannot recall what it was made out of, but it was damn good. I must have liked it quite a bit since I cannot recall exactly how many I ordered. It was a good thing that Mike joined me there because I would have been in no shape to drive.

As the beer continued to flow, I became more and more boisterous. I really cannot recall what happened before we left, but I believe it involved making a toast and a lot of swearing. Mike told me the next morning that he didn't think it was a good idea if I drank heavily with co-workers again---period. I was a bit worried before I came to work this morning; wondering if I truly made as much of an ass of myself as Mike lead me to believe. I guess I was more worried about it than I had to be. I only received one comment from a co-worker: "Boy, you really don't know the people you work with until you go out to Happy Hour with them." Interesting, but cryptic...no?

Crush Me

It's crazy
I'm thinking
Just knowing that the world is round
Here I'm dancing on the ground
Am I right side up or upside down
Is this real or am I dreaming...

Next month it will be my three-year wedding anniversary. I often think of the circumstances of how I met my husband. It is truly an amazing, kismet sort of a story. Without telling the whole thing, here is an abbreviated version:

1) Went to housewarming party
2) Hung out at party for two hours
3) Left party
4) Went out to dinner with Gomez Adams (a.k.a. Vicodin)
5) Drank lots of alcohol at forementioned dinner
6) Left Gomez's house and drove back to party
7) Got to party and drank more beer
8) Ran into friend Trudy who was there with co-workers
9) Was convinced that I needed to go with Trudy to sing karaoke
10) At the last minute, changed mind and didn't leave party
11) Sat around fire and saw tall drink of water come in through the gate (literally)
12) Talked to cute, tall guy
13) Made out with cute, tall guy
14) Went back to cute, tall guy's house

Well, I think we can guess the rest of what happened without saying it. I must admit that we did not have a perfect relationship at first. I called him "Moochie Mike" and questioned his ability to keep a job for longer than two months.

He has been the only man who can truly put me into my place. He makes me laugh so hard that my sides ache. He makes love to me as if each time is the first time. He makes me cry with joy when he rocks my children to sleep. My husband is truly an amazing man and I feel very fortunate to have him in my life. I love you Michael and how you truly "Crush Me" every day.

The Weight is Over

Last night I went clothes shopping with my sister. It was the first time I had been clothing shopping since last fall. I used to be very apprehensive about shopping for clothes because I was afraid of not having anything fit--or the sizes were too depressing to look at. After being told by a co-worker that it looked as if I had a full-diaper in my pants, I felt it was time to invest in some new clothing.

I used to weigh myself every morning. I stopped that practice about seven months ago. I was becoming too anal retentive about gaining six ounces here, or losing a pound there. I was obsessive about my weight. Another contributing factor to stopping my scale craze was quitting smoking (which is over seven months ago now). I figured that I didn't need to know how much weight I was gaining by quitting smoking, so I stopped because of that as well.

In trying on the assorted clothes I selected for myself last night, I found that none of the sizes I had selected fit; they were TOO BIG! It was a good thing that my sister was there becuase I had to make her go back and get not one, but TWO SIZES smaller than what I wore last fall. I was elated!

I am still not at my ideal goal weight, which is what I weighed while I was going to college, but I feel much more happier about my appearance. I am so glad that the weight is definately over! :)

Hungry Heart

Like a river that don't know where its flowing...
I took a wrong turn and I just kept going...

I just had lunch with my good friend from one of my previous places of employment. She is in a bit of a funk right now because she has been there for five years and still does not feel as if she has a purpose for working there. I continuously tell her that she needs to make a change that would be beneficial to her--not just a change that would be for the sake of making one. Life changes need to have more than one benefit.

The most exciting thing about life is change. Nothing ever stays the same in life. We all need to do things that make us happier in life. If we don't do things that make us happier, then we all stay the same and never better ourselves. We all can use improvement in at least one area. Scary...for a moment that was a bit too motivational-speakerish! :)

Becoming too familiar with something often leads to contempt. I know it is a trite saying, but we all need to have a "hungry heart".