Beautiful Wrecks

From the dark end of this bar, what a beautiful wreck you are...
I really love Shawn Mullins' music. I have found myself singing this song on enumerated occasions. I just love the ironic title. Would it be considered irony? I think it would. If you are wondering why I am even mentioning something like this, look again at the title of my blog.

So much has happened in the last week. It has been difficult to find time to blog. Here are the events that have taken place:

1) My education has come back to haunt me.
A fellow co-worker was working on a newsletter for one of our resource centers and I mentioned to him that I could take a look at it when he was finished. Well--big mistake. My offer to "look" at it turned into redesigning and editing the whole thing. It took three days. Needless to say, it is a lot better, if not 100% better than it was before. I cannot help but be proud of my work. My former college professors would be proud. Since its completion, the co-worker has brought a brochure to my attention. I think I will wait a week before I make any comments on it.

2) My husband is currently on an "unpaid leave of absence" from work.
Last Thursday, my husband was told that he was being suspended for three days because a fellow co-worker supposedly saw him sleeping on the job. The "sleep" in question was acutally my husband rolling his eyes around behind closed eyes due to pain chips falling into them. My husband has an AWFUL case of sleep apnea, and I really find it difficult to believe that he was sleeping silently in a chair. He goes back to work on Wednesday and I really hope his suspension turns out to be paid for.

3) Shame on me for my baby shower lamentations.
On Saturday night, my father called me and told me that my cousin had delivered her baby four weeks early. He also mentioned that my cousin's daughter had been born with Down Syndrome.
I feel very bad for my cousin because my first pregnancy while I was married to my first husband had been a Trisomy 18 Down Syndrome fetus, which didn't survive past the third month of my pregnancy. I don't know if the shower is going to go on as planned or not. Nonetheless, I feel bad for her and her family.

Aside from these things, all else is on an even keel. We celebrated my son's first birthday with family members yesterday afternoon. He did very well; aside from when everyone sang "Happy Birthday" to him. He didn't know what to think about that. I will have to post photos when I receive the photo disk.

The etiquette of baby showers

When I was pregnant with my son last year, I registered for gifts at Target. It was a grueling process that caused me to break down and cry while I was selecting items for his registry. I was so overwhelmed by the amount of baby supplies that I began to panic. What if I didn't order the right thing? What should I be ordering? I calmed myself down and began to think rationally. With the help of my husband, he and I were able to finish our registry without incident.

Two weeks ago, I received an invitation to a baby shower for my cousin. I have not seen her for at least two years. The invitation stated that each person who was attending needed to bring a dish to share because "money was tight". I thought this was rather tacky, but given the sense of these family members, it seemed like something they would do. I called my cousin, who was one of the people giving the shower, to see what I could bring to share. I was told that I should bring either spaghetti or lasagna. I was floored. The other items she rattled off were not much different. I asked her if she had the whole meal planned and she said yes. I thought it was very rude to assume that I would be willing to provide enough lasagna or spaghetti for 20 people. I told her I would bring salad--it was not on her "list".

Aside from the food debacle, the gift registry was another story. My cousin has registered for over 150 items, and some items with mass quantities. I am very disgusted that she has requested 12 packages of baby wipes, eight bottles of baby lotion, seven different kinds of formula, and many other things.

I do not know what I should do in regards to the pending baby shower. My instincts tell me that I need to convey to my cousin that she is violating the rule of gifts: they are to be received and not asked for. The whole thing is just rubbing me the wrong way--but what isn't these days?

Ahhh...Freak out (Le-Freak - So Not Chic)

I think I am at my wits end with my pregnancy. I have been freaking out for no real reason at things that are beyond my control. For instance, the following dialogue occurred between my husband and I yesterday afternoon after he purchased gasoline at a Mobil station:

Mike: Hello?
Stacy: What the hell happened at the gas station?
Mike: What do you mean?
Stacy: There are three transactions currently pending on the checking account for the gas station!
Mike: I put the card in first, and it didn't work. I went in and paid for it after I pumped the gas.
Stacy: What the hell?! Now we just filled someone's gas tank up because you prepaid gas and then paid for it a second time. Why don't you pay attention when you do things? Jesus Christ!

At this point my husband hung-up on me and I called him back. He wouldn't answer my call until I called three times in a row.

Stacy: Don't hang up on me ever again. When I call you; answer the phone. I could go into labor or something and I would be trying to deliver my child by myself. Don't do it again.
Mike: Do you want something?
Stacy: YES! What happened that we are now being charged three times for the gas? You are going to have to go back there and figure it out. If it goes against the checking account overnight, we will have charges over $96.
Mike: I guess we will have to wait until tomorrow.
Stacy: Tomorrow isn't good enough.
Mike: It is going to have to be because I am going to be late for work.

That was the end of the conversation because I hung up the phone on my husband. This morning I called the bank and discovered that we were not charged three times for the gasoline. There was only one charge for $32.

Stacy: I owe you an apology. There was only one charge for the gasoline.
Mike: I cannot hear you.
Stacy: I said I was sorry. Only one charge is pending right now.
Mike: You need to quit freaking out over stupid things.

He was right; I was freaking out for no real reason. If the charge happened three times, then I would have to take care of it AFTER it happened.

This isn't the only episode I have had lately. I have been jumping the gun continuously. When in the hell am I going to have this child? Not soon enough.

Things I think about for no particular reason

1) Why did Charlton Heston play a Mexican in the film "Touch of Evil"?

2) Why did Tony Curtis play American Indian, Ira Hayes, in the film "The Outsider"?

3) Why is Sally Kirkland always photographed at the Academy Awards? Why is she important?

4) Why do people think that Humphrey Bogart is one of the best actors of all time?

5) Why does The Gap use old footage of Audrey Hepburn dancing to AC/DCs' "Back in Black" in one of their commercials? It is really stupid.

6) Why can't I find a copy of the film version of "An American Tragedy", directed by Josef von Sternberg?

7) Why is Brian DePalma considered to be a great director when he really isn't?

8) Why hasn't a film been made about Irving Thalberg?

9) Why hasn't Martin Scorsese won a Best Director Oscar?

10) Jennifer Aniston cannot act. Why is she continually placed in starring film roles?

Why I love my job

Last night when I picked up my son from my in-laws' house he had hives and welts all over his face and could barely see out of his eyes. The night before last he had hives and welts, but at least he could see. My in-laws have two dogs that are never bathed or groomed. Since we don't have any pets at home, I have come to the conclusion that this is why my son has the problems he does. He is allergic to dogs (well at least unkempt dogs).

We have been lucky; my husband and I. For almost a year we have not had to pay for the cost of day care. I work in the morning and my husband works at night. It is hard when you only see your spouse for roughly two out of 120 hours during the working week. It has brought new meaning to the term "working for the weekend".

When I told my supervisor about my plight with the dogs and how I was over-wrought with fear over acquiring day care for my son (and unborn son), she told me that whatever I needed to do was fine with her. If I wanted to come in early in order to leave early, that was fine with her. I told her that I did not want to take advantage of the situation and she told me that I wasn't and she knew I would never do that.

I must have done something right to have found a job like mine. I really must have.

Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself

This is a quote from the Bible. I believe it is in the Book of Matthew, but I am not sure of the chapter or verse. I think it is in the fifth chapter. I don't believe my title is the exact quote, but it is pretty much the theme of the day.

Last night (or technically this morning) my husband came home from work and told me that his supervisor told him that a group of investors from Europe had visited their site and were interested in buying the company. When I heard this, I immediately began to cry. Last year, when I first found out I was pregnant with my son, my husband lost his job shortly thereafter. I endured three months of complete and total stress by being the household breadwinner. When I heard his news about the current situation, I couldn't help but think of what had happened before.

My husband is more optimistic than I am. God bless him. I try to be an optimist, but I am really a pessimist at heart. Who cares if the glass is half full or half empty? It is going to shatter when it drops to the floor anyway.

I stopped crying and realized that there was nothing that could be done about it. If he lost his job; he lost his job. There is nothing he can do to prevent it from happening. It is not his fault. I tend to worry about the intricate details of the whole picture: What about health insurance? What about paying the bills on time? What about income when I am on maternity leave? These were all things that I immediately thought about when he told me the news. Yes, I also have a tendency to overreact as well.

Since last night I have had the chance to think about what would happen if he lost his job (which is the worst case scenario). It would not be the end of the world if it happened. Things would just have to change a bit. I guess I shouldn't worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow will take care of itself.

Wake me up when January ends

In two weeks I will be in the third trimester of my pregnancy--my final pregnancy. I am ready for the end at any time. My monthly check-up was today and I had gained six pounds since last month. My OB questioned this and I told her I had been retaining fluid. After poking my leg with her finger, she agreed with me. I did not receive a prescription for this; only told to watch my sodium intake. I don't know about the rest of you out in "Blogland", but trying to eliminated sodium completely from your diet is like trying not to drink any liquids. Pretty asinine if you ask me.

I also found out that I will be taking a glucose screening test at my next visit, which informs one if they have gestational diabetes or not. Last year I failed the test when I was pregnant with my son. The reason I failed it was because I had eaten a Caramello bar before I went to my appointment that afternoon. I was told that food had no effect on what you eat during the test. I guess that statement was incorrect. I had to take the three-hour test a week later, which ultimately came back negative. I have purposely made my appoinment for the first thing in the morning. I am not going to make it more difficult than it has to be.

When the similarites are too great

I love reading the Bulletin Board in the Pioneer Press. Here was a posting that caught my eye today:

Our times
In Search of a Pseudonym: "In the modern office environment, you will be worked until you are dead. In my small group of co-workers and companions, one carried a workload substantially higher than that of any of her coworkers, while reporting to an evil boss who undermined her every effort and degraded her at every turn, despite the fact that she was well-liked and well-respected by everyone else who worked with her; this continued until she voluntarily took early retirement. Since then, her blood pressure is down, her mood is up, and her weight is down. It's an amazing thing.
"Another co-worker is working 12-hour days and every weekend, trying to keep up with her workload and trying to cover for her incompetent coworkers and employees, all the while also trying to take care of her ailing, elderly mother, and somehow to also have a life.
"A friend is consistently working 60-to-80-hour weeks, and weekends, and when he says anything to his boss, his boss tells him to just do it.
"Of these three I mention, two are salaried, so no matter how much they work, they do not get paid more.
"Within my department, we have sent up the white flag to indicate that we are severely overcapacity and are drowning here. The response? We can set meetings over the lunch hour, earlier in the morning, and later in the evening. So this means that instead of the built-in 10-hour day that I already have, I can work more, but they will give us lunch. Then when they book us through lunch, it is like a reward.
"What is the point of it? I can see the people around me ready to snap. I can see them asking for help … nay, begging for it. I can see how you get held back if you do finally snap. And I can see people getting fired around me if they are not willing or able to live with this insanity.
"It is not just my employer, either. I hear the same stories from several places around town. What happened? How did the expectation go from 40 hours per week with benefits and vacation to 60 hours per week of double- and triple-booking, losing your vacation, never taking a lunch, and still slipping behind on the workload? How did the expectation become that you will never, ever be caught up, no matter how much you give?
"And you dare not complain about it, or you will be labeled a malcontent and made to suffer for it."
BULLETIN BOARD SAYS: We have no answers for you, Pseudonym — but, of course, we are willing (perhaps eager) to hear anyone else's answers … or anyone else's workplace horror stories.

This was too reminiscent of the place I used to work. Here is what I wrote to the Bulletin Board:

I just finished reading Pseudonym’s work horror story, and I could not help but wonder if the three people he/she mentioned were employed by my previous employer on Wabasha Street? The similarities were too great.
Last year when I was pregnant with my first child, I was working 10-12 hour days during my last trimester. I was so overworked that I developed hypertension and had to be put on bed rest a month and a half before my child was due. At no time before being put on bed rest had it been suggested that I cut back in my hours or workload. The stress I had endured was overwhelming. Needless to say, I am no longer working for that organization on Wabasha Street. I am currently due with my second child, and guess what?! I don’t have any hypertension issues to speak of; I am now entering my third trimester of my pregnancy and I have never felt better.
Perhaps I should be applauding my former employer for making me endure nine months of sheer hell while I was pregnant. Without having that experience, I would not be in the place that I am now. Thanks, Bulletin Board.
-Brody’s Mom in Inver Grove Heights

I had to say something. I just had to.

The soundtrack of your life

I love how different songs can bring back memories of the past. For instance, when I met my husband Mike at a keg party (a long story, which is actually pretty cool), I remember constantly hearing a song by Wheat; "I Met A Girl". I think the chorus to the song is great, it is:
I met a girl I'd like to know better, but I'm already with someone.
I met my husband while I was still technically married, even though we had been "divorced" long before that.

When I used to play trivia with my girl, Ntrudr at BW3s, I consistently played two songs by Outkast on the jukebox; "Hey Ya!" and "Ms. Jackson". Those songs remind me of the fun I used to have with her when I had so much sadness in my life. I swear I was living in the bottom of a Miller Lite keg.

When I was a teenager, I use to write song titles in my journals to remind me of what songs were popular during the spring, summer, autumn and winter during my jr. high and high school years. I know that I was really obsessed with "Sowing the Seeds of Love" by Tears for Fears when I was a Freshman; "Cradle of Love" by Billy Idol, which came out the summer before my Sophomore year; "I Touch Myself" by the Divinyls, which reminds me of my Jr. Prom; "Crush Me" by the Dave Matthews Band, which reminds me of when I left my first fiance and went to live on my own; "Cannonball"by Damien Rice reminds me of when I came to the realization that above anything else in life, I needed to make myself happy. What a wonderful song!

I really think I need to get an IPOD or an MP3 player so I can listen to a lot of the songs I no longer hear on a regular basis.

Don't ever buy the extended warranty - Part II

Yesterday I received a letter in the mail from Signet Financial Corporation in Vacaville, California, informing me that I was not entitled to a refund of my extended warranty because I had utilized it on 2/14/03. I found this to be ridiculous. The only time I had used it was when I had brought it in to have the stalling of the engine checked out. They did not find anything wrong with the vehicle when I brought it in; nor did they replace any parts--well, I guess there was a brake light out, which would have cost $3 at most.

Today I called Inver Grove Ford and finaly spoke to someone who wasn't chewing gum in my ear or speaking in a "sing-song" voice, who told me that I had received a rental car while my car was being serviced, which would have caused the warranty to be utilized. He told me he would send a copy of the work order to me via fax. I have not seen it yet, and I am not going to hold my breath either.

I am outraged by this. OUTRAGED! Since when does a $3 repair surmount to exhausting a $2K warranty refund? Bullshit. That is what this whole thing is; bullshit. DO NOT EVER BUY A VEHICLE FROM INVER GROVE FORD IN INVER GROVE HEIGHTS, MN. DO NOT EVER PURCHASE AN EXTENDED WARRANTY FOR A VEHICLE EITHER!

Some things are better left unseen

I am a film scholar by degree. I attended three year's worth of classes on film at SCSU. When people ask me (which is quite frequently) what my favorite film is, I find it difficult to answer. I don't have just one favorite film. There are at least 10 films that I would classify as being my "favorites". When I haven't seen a film that someone else adores, it is as if I have commited a sin. Being a film scholar does not mean that I have seen every film that exists. This would be impossible.

I really enjoy the AFI film series programs that have been televised. Although I do not agree with all of their choices, I have found that there are a lot of similiarities. When I read through their top 100 list of films, I realized that I have not seen 10 of their top 50 films. Here they are:

1) Lawrence of Arabia - I have seen parts of this film, but not the whole thing. It was a film shown in my 1960s film class, but I think I might have fallen asleep. The beginning was good when he was in a motorcycle accident.

2) The Bridge on the River Kwai - I have not seen this because it was something that my dad would have forced me to watch against my will as a child. Defiance, defiance, defiance...

3) The African Queen - I don't really care for Katharine Hepburn and I cannot stand Humphrey Bogart; enough said.

4) Chinatown - I have always wanted to see this, but haven't. I'll have to remember this one.

5) The Grapes of Wrath - I have seen parts of this as well. I remember watching part of it in my American History class in 10th grade, but since the class was after lunch, I fell asleep. I don;t care too much for Henry Fonda either. On the subject of Fonda, I have SEEN "On Golden Pond" and I couldn't figure out if Fonda was acting or being himself. I think I have said enough.

6) Raging Bull - I have tried to watch this enumerated times since I love Scorsese, but I cannot do it. I am not sure why not, but it just doesn't work for me. Any suggestions?

7) The Treasure of the Sierra Madre - Humphrey Bogart; enough said.

8) To Kill a Mockingbird - I loved the book by Harper Lee, but I am always a bit apprehensive to see a film based on a book because, more times than not, the film is not as good as the book.

9) Dr. Zhivago - I have seen parts of this. It can make you feel cold in the middle of a blazing hot summer. I guess I just haven't had the time to sit through the whole thing.

10) Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid - I don't really care for the comedic duo of Redford/Newman. I do want to know why people have continuous asked Ted Cassidy (Lurch from Addams Family) to sign a photo still from the movie in which Butch Cassidy is being kicked in the balls. Does that make sense?

Not enough time on my hands

Last night, after my husband and I put our child down for the night, I noticed that our living room ceiling fan had about two inches of dust on it. I was disgusted. I then realized that most of my house was covered in dust. I immediately grabbed a handful of papertowels, some Swiffer wipes, some cleaning agents from when I worked at Ecolab, and began to dust and clean all of the windows, mirrors and fans in our house. When I was done, I felt a sense of accomplishment. My windows no longer had smudges of little fingerprints on them and my fans were dust free.

I don't think that my angst was driven entirely by the dust on the fan. Once I sat down and looked at my work, I began to think about the last time I was entirely by myself. I couldn't remember. Does anyone really have enough time on their hands to accomplish all of the things they would like? I don't think so.

The 80s

I just visited one of my favorite web-sites, planetdan.com, and I saw a post featuring the new Trivial Pursuit game for 1980s trivia. The people who were featured in the promo photo for the game were NOT 80s icons by my standards; not in the least.

There was not one member of the "Brat Pack"in the photo, which is a given for any reference to the 80s culture. "Magic" Johnson, Larry Bird, Bo Jackson (because he knew) and Carl Lewis would have been better choices for sports representation than Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. What were these people thinking? In the 80s I had Scott Baio and C. Thomas Howell plastered on my walls. Corey Feldman? I think I thought about him once when I saw "Stand By Me", which wasn't even until the latter part of the decade.

The 80s were the greatest decade. I had plastic jelly shoes, shaker-knit sweaters, over-sized- gray-sweatshirts-with-the-collar-ripped-off, stirrup pants, lace headbands and fingerless-gloves. My hair was always six inches off my scalp and secured with AquaNet. I was an 80s girl.

Should I stay or should I go?

My cousin was married last month on the 19th of September. She was supposed to get married this coming February, but she and he "husband" decided to elope to Vegas. I do not have a problem with people getting married in Vegas; I did it myself. I am, however, not too happy to attend a bridal shower for someone who is already married.

When I spoke to my husband about this, his concern was not about opting for a gift or not, he wanted to know why I would want to go to a smoky bar on a Saturday night to eat deep-fried appetizers and watch drunk people. I love the way he puts things into perspective for me. I agreed; being six months pregnant in a smoky bar did not appeal to me at all. Part of me feels obligated, however, because my cousin was a bridesmaid in my first wedding ceremony. This is my debate: should I stay home or should I go?

I do not know what etiquette is for attending bridal showers for someone who is already married. I didn't have a bridal shower when I came back from Vegas, but I had been married once before. Perhaps I need to ask "Dear Abby."

An addiction like no other

I am not a big chocolate lover; at least not right now. I do like one kind of "chocolate" right now that is not like any other: Fannie May Mint Meltaways. They are a light pastel green coated with a delicious mint chocolate center. I have always been a fan of mint chocolate; too bad Hershey's doesn't hop on that bandwagon.

Making it count

Why is it when a game is of utmost importance for our home team to win it is treated as if it doesn't matter at all? I am not just talking about the pathetic loss of the Minnesota Twins to the Oakland Athletics, I am also talking about the Vikings losing to the Buffalo Bills this past Sunday. What is wrong with Minnesota sports teams? Did the Twins really need two pitchers in the ninth inning? Can Brad Johnson ever throw a football longer than nine yards? I hate to say it, but I am missing Daunte Culpepper already. So much time was spent rallying for the Twins over the last 48 hours. Such a waste of time! they failed to deliver a win. I guess I should not be surprised.