The etiquette of baby showers

When I was pregnant with my son last year, I registered for gifts at Target. It was a grueling process that caused me to break down and cry while I was selecting items for his registry. I was so overwhelmed by the amount of baby supplies that I began to panic. What if I didn't order the right thing? What should I be ordering? I calmed myself down and began to think rationally. With the help of my husband, he and I were able to finish our registry without incident.

Two weeks ago, I received an invitation to a baby shower for my cousin. I have not seen her for at least two years. The invitation stated that each person who was attending needed to bring a dish to share because "money was tight". I thought this was rather tacky, but given the sense of these family members, it seemed like something they would do. I called my cousin, who was one of the people giving the shower, to see what I could bring to share. I was told that I should bring either spaghetti or lasagna. I was floored. The other items she rattled off were not much different. I asked her if she had the whole meal planned and she said yes. I thought it was very rude to assume that I would be willing to provide enough lasagna or spaghetti for 20 people. I told her I would bring salad--it was not on her "list".

Aside from the food debacle, the gift registry was another story. My cousin has registered for over 150 items, and some items with mass quantities. I am very disgusted that she has requested 12 packages of baby wipes, eight bottles of baby lotion, seven different kinds of formula, and many other things.

I do not know what I should do in regards to the pending baby shower. My instincts tell me that I need to convey to my cousin that she is violating the rule of gifts: they are to be received and not asked for. The whole thing is just rubbing me the wrong way--but what isn't these days?