Finding My Strengths

I have been so incredibly busy lately with my new job, so I really haven't had the chance to blog. One of the things I completed at work the last week was the "StrenghtsFinder" test. It is part of a book that is written by Tom Rath (which is also a #1 New York Times Bestseller). The book explains what each "strength" is and how one can identify with a different person who doesn't necessarily have the same "strength". The following were identified as my "Top Five Strengths":

• Achiever - "You feel as if each day starts at zero...you must have something tangible completed by the end of the day."
• Input - "You collect things...yours is the kind of mind that finds so many things interesting."
• Learner - "The process, more than the content or the result, is what is most fascinating to you."
• Belief - "Your work must be meaningful; it must matter to you."
• Woo - "You enjoy the challenge of meeting new people and getting them to like you."
  

This really pegged me well!

Sticking your nose in it

My husband's employer asked him yesterday to check a box that was on his original application form (from three months ago) that asked if he had ever been convicted of a crime. I do not believe it was intentional for him to have ignored the box, even though he has. Over 18 years ago my husband did something stupid with a group of "friends" that gave him a raw deal. My husband explained this to his employer and then asked if he would be fired over it. His supervisor said, "I do not know."

Okay, what is the point here? Why in the world would it make a difference after you have been working for an organization over three months? It sounds pretty shifty to me. We have already decided that if my husband is fired, we will be contacting an attorney. As my husband said, would you punish a 12 year-old dog for something the dog did when it was a puppy? It is a pretty good analogy and I don't understand why now, after three months, would his nose need to be pushed in it?

The Birthday Song

This was forwarded to me in an email. I thought it was rather interesting to see what song has been popular on all of my "birthdays". I really despise the song that was most popular the year I was born.

DECEMBER 4
The #1 song in the U.S.A. on this date in history, according to Billboard magazine.- Click on a song to hear a portion of it in iTunes; you must have that software installed to listen.- If the song is not available in iTunes, the link will go to Amazon or somewhere else.- You can purchase more detailed historical data from Billboard research services or from Record Research.- Return to the main page.
THE 2000s
2007 ... "No One" by Alicia Keys
2006 ... "I Wanna Love You" by Akon featuring Snoop Dogg
2005 ... "Run It!" by Chris Brown
2004 ... "My Boo" by Usher and Alicia Keys
2003 ... "Stand Up" by Ludacris featuring Shawnna
2002 ... "Lose Yourself" by Eminem
2001 ... "Family Affair" by Mary J. Blige
2000 ... "Independent Women Part I" by Destiny's Child

THE 1990s
1999 ... "Smooth" by Santana featuring Rob Thomas
1998 ... "I'm Your Angel" by R. Kelly & Celine Dion
1997 ... "Something About the Way You Look Tonight/ Candle in the Wind 1997" by Elton John
1996 ... "Un-Break My Heart" by Toni Braxton
1995 ... "One Sweet Day" by Mariah Carey & Boyz II Men
1994 ... "On Bended Knee" by Boyz II Men
1993 ... "I'd Do Anything for Love (But I Won't Do That)" by Meat Loaf
1992 ... "I Will Always Love You" by Whitney Houston
1991 ... "Black or White" by Michael Jackson
1990 ... "Because I Love You (The Postman Song)" by Stevie B

THE 1980s
1989 ... "We Didn't Start the Fire" by Billy Joel
1988 ... "Look Away" by Chicago
1987 ... "Heaven Is a Place on Earth" by Belinda Carlisle
1986 ... "The Next Time I Fall" by Peter Cetera & Amy Grant
1985 ... "Broken Wings" by Mr. Mister
1984 ... "Out of Touch" by Daryl Hall & John Oates
1983 ... "Say, Say, Say" by Paul McCartney & Michael Jackson
1982 ... "Truly" by Lionel Richie
1981 ... "Physical" by Olivia Newton-John
1980 ... "Lady" by Kenny Rogers

THE 1970s
1979 ... "Babe" by Styx
1978 ... "Le Freak" by Chic
1977 ... "You Light Up My Life" by Debby Boone
1976 ... "Tonight's the Night (Gonna Be Alright)" by Rod Stewart
1975 ... "Fly, Robin, Fly" by Silver Convention
1974 ... "Kung Fu Fighting" by Carl Douglas
1973 ... "Top of the World" by The Carpenters

Blasphemy!

I am sorry Lord, but this did make me laugh. Thanks, Noelle!

Getting to know your neighbors

When Mike had lost his job back in March, I thought I was going to lose my mind. My husband, although I love him beyond belief, has a difficult time staying gainfully employed for an elongated period of time. Because he lost his job, we needed to find another place to live. My in-laws were wonderful in helping us with this task and they provided us with a home to live in (only five miles from where we were living) and buy from them on a contract-for-deed basis. It is not my dream home by any means, but it is a home and it is filled with family history (the home once belonged to my husband's grandmother).

Since moving, I have been trying to become more acclimated with the area in which I live. Most of the streets have numbers for names, which is very confusing to me. To make matters worse, I live in an area in which there are two roads named "Fourth" and one is an avenue and one is a street. I think you get the point of what I am explaining here! :)

Yesterday morning I had to bring Brody to the doctor for his never-ending bout of eczema. As I approached the turn lane for 494, I saw a Ford Focus dart right in front of my car. The streets of 5th and 7th are intersecting and also a gateway to many people running into cars trying to make it to 494. I got on to the freeway and managed to get behind the Focus again. It only took a minute before I realized who the driver of the Focus was. It wasn't difficult to figure out when I saw a frame that looked uncomfortably stuffed into the front seat of the vehicle. Yes, it is true--not only did my ex-husband almost side swipe my vehicle, but he lives in the city I do.

Little Men

I cannot believe how much Brody and Byron have grown! They are no longer babies; now they are little men...

Work It Out

Since I started my new event planning position a month ago (actually it will be tomorrow), I have been extremely busy. Not only do I plan events, but I also have a "say" over our agency promotional materials and I have also been updating our website consistently as well. I am overworked, but I do love it. I just wish that there was more time in the day to do it all.

This evening I was supposed to attend a wake service for my first fiance's grandfather who passed away on Saturday, but I am too exhausted to do so. I feel really awful about it, but there isn't anything I can do. I know my limits and believe me, these days I am truly exasperated.

The Gas Over Gasoline

Yesterday morning Mike was outside of our home cutting the grass and raking the yard with Brody. I decided to go outside and sweep the sidewalk of the grass clippings when I noticed that Brody was playing with something that looked like a hose. I walked over to where Brody was and I saw that someone had hidden a gas can inside of a burlap sack and a syphon hose was hanging out of the hole for the gas tank of Mike's parents' Suburban, which had been parked adjacent to our garage. Brody had put the hose in his mouth and his clothing and sandals were covered in gasoline. I immediately picked him up and brought him into the house for a bath. Mike discovered that all 40 gallons of gasoline that had been in the Suburban (it had a full tank) had been syphoned out.

Mike called the police and they came over to take a report from him. It was the first call they had received of someone syphoning gas from a vehicle. We also found out while the police were there that our neighbors were also missing half of their gasoline out of their Ford F-150 truck tank (30 gallons).

We decided to buy a key-locking gas cap. With the price of gasoline these days, I am sure we are not the only ones.

The Ex Factor - The Final Chapter

Well... All I can say is that what I saw today has only reaffirmed why I divorced Wayne in the first place.

I entered the side door of the conference room and felt my heart beating out of my chest. I kept envisioning the two scenarios that I had dreamt about. I kept back and peered around the corner and saw that he was sitting at a table. I did not see his face to know it was him, I saw his girth. Wayne has gained AT LEAST 50 pounds since I last saw him (I am being conservative with my estimate). After looking at him for five seconds, I knew I had seen enough. He looked disheveled and unkept. It was evident that he wasn't taking care of himself, nor was anyone else.

My life is better now than it ever was while I was married to Wayne. I have a wonderful and amazing husband, as well as two adorable children. God has truly blessed me with giving me a second chance at marriage and at having a REAL life for myself.

The Ex-Factor - Part II

Tomorrow I know for certain that my ex-husband will be at my place of employment for a training seminar. I found this out two days ago. I am very apprehensive about it and have had nightmares involving him the past two nights. Our marriage did not end on a good terms; it was truly awful. I feel that because it ended badly, I keep having these awful thoughts run through my head.

My nightmares have involved being in the training room and having two different scenarios occur:

1) Wayne comes in, sees me and immediately starts screaming at me about how I have ruined his life and that I shouldn't have selected a job that would involve seeing him. I become extremely embarassed and leave the training session.

2) Wayne comes in, sees me and tells me that he has been hoping that he would see me again and that he feels bad for being so awful to be in his last communication to me. He also tells me still loves me, which causes me to vomit on the floor and I run out in embarassment.

I guess that no matter what happens tomorrow, as long as I don't run out in embarassment, all should be well. At least this is what I am hoping for.

The Ex-Factor

An important part of my new job involves coordinating events for single-family lender partners and their staff. One of our lender partners is Bremer Bank. My ex-husband used to work (and still does from what I am told) for Bremer Bank. Right now, as I write this, my ex-husband can be potentially in the same office building as I am and he can be watching the PowerPoint presentation that I created for our new program. Scary.

It has been over three years since I last saw my ex-husband. The last time I saw him I was seven months pregnant with Brody. I never figured out if he saw me trying to hide myself behind a cooler filled with english muffins and pudding, but I did see him. He had looked the same as he always had, which isn't a compliment.

I cannot stand my ex-husband, which is exactly why I am no longer married to him. The thought that I will potentially be confronting him sometime in the no-so-exact near future is thought enough in itself to make me sick to my stomach. Does that make sense? I will wait to hear from co-workers if he is in the training session. If he is in the training session, perhaps I will have to make a trip down---or not.

One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer (or four)

I don't drink alcohol on a regular basis. I used to drink quite a lot back in my bar hey-days, but I don't anymore. Last Friday I went to "Happy Hour" with my co-workers at the Muddy Pig over on Dale/Selby in St. Paul. It was to celebrate my new job and the promotion of another co-worker who also will be working in the same division as I will be. The Muddy Pig is known for its enumerate microbeer selections. On Friday, my choice of beer was called "Acme IPA". I cannot recall what it was made out of, but it was damn good. I must have liked it quite a bit since I cannot recall exactly how many I ordered. It was a good thing that Mike joined me there because I would have been in no shape to drive.

As the beer continued to flow, I became more and more boisterous. I really cannot recall what happened before we left, but I believe it involved making a toast and a lot of swearing. Mike told me the next morning that he didn't think it was a good idea if I drank heavily with co-workers again---period. I was a bit worried before I came to work this morning; wondering if I truly made as much of an ass of myself as Mike lead me to believe. I guess I was more worried about it than I had to be. I only received one comment from a co-worker: "Boy, you really don't know the people you work with until you go out to Happy Hour with them." Interesting, but cryptic...no?

Crush Me

It's crazy
I'm thinking
Just knowing that the world is round
Here I'm dancing on the ground
Am I right side up or upside down
Is this real or am I dreaming...

Next month it will be my three-year wedding anniversary. I often think of the circumstances of how I met my husband. It is truly an amazing, kismet sort of a story. Without telling the whole thing, here is an abbreviated version:

1) Went to housewarming party
2) Hung out at party for two hours
3) Left party
4) Went out to dinner with Gomez Adams (a.k.a. Vicodin)
5) Drank lots of alcohol at forementioned dinner
6) Left Gomez's house and drove back to party
7) Got to party and drank more beer
8) Ran into friend Trudy who was there with co-workers
9) Was convinced that I needed to go with Trudy to sing karaoke
10) At the last minute, changed mind and didn't leave party
11) Sat around fire and saw tall drink of water come in through the gate (literally)
12) Talked to cute, tall guy
13) Made out with cute, tall guy
14) Went back to cute, tall guy's house

Well, I think we can guess the rest of what happened without saying it. I must admit that we did not have a perfect relationship at first. I called him "Moochie Mike" and questioned his ability to keep a job for longer than two months.

He has been the only man who can truly put me into my place. He makes me laugh so hard that my sides ache. He makes love to me as if each time is the first time. He makes me cry with joy when he rocks my children to sleep. My husband is truly an amazing man and I feel very fortunate to have him in my life. I love you Michael and how you truly "Crush Me" every day.

The Weight is Over

Last night I went clothes shopping with my sister. It was the first time I had been clothing shopping since last fall. I used to be very apprehensive about shopping for clothes because I was afraid of not having anything fit--or the sizes were too depressing to look at. After being told by a co-worker that it looked as if I had a full-diaper in my pants, I felt it was time to invest in some new clothing.

I used to weigh myself every morning. I stopped that practice about seven months ago. I was becoming too anal retentive about gaining six ounces here, or losing a pound there. I was obsessive about my weight. Another contributing factor to stopping my scale craze was quitting smoking (which is over seven months ago now). I figured that I didn't need to know how much weight I was gaining by quitting smoking, so I stopped because of that as well.

In trying on the assorted clothes I selected for myself last night, I found that none of the sizes I had selected fit; they were TOO BIG! It was a good thing that my sister was there becuase I had to make her go back and get not one, but TWO SIZES smaller than what I wore last fall. I was elated!

I am still not at my ideal goal weight, which is what I weighed while I was going to college, but I feel much more happier about my appearance. I am so glad that the weight is definately over! :)

Hungry Heart

Like a river that don't know where its flowing...
I took a wrong turn and I just kept going...

I just had lunch with my good friend from one of my previous places of employment. She is in a bit of a funk right now because she has been there for five years and still does not feel as if she has a purpose for working there. I continuously tell her that she needs to make a change that would be beneficial to her--not just a change that would be for the sake of making one. Life changes need to have more than one benefit.

The most exciting thing about life is change. Nothing ever stays the same in life. We all need to do things that make us happier in life. If we don't do things that make us happier, then we all stay the same and never better ourselves. We all can use improvement in at least one area. Scary...for a moment that was a bit too motivational-speakerish! :)

Becoming too familiar with something often leads to contempt. I know it is a trite saying, but we all need to have a "hungry heart".

Working 9 to 5 (No more...)

For the first time in my career history, I have been rewarded with a job promotion. Well, I guess my promotion from teaching assistant to teaching assistant supervisor was a promotion back at SCSU, but it is not of the same magnitude. Yesterday afternoon I was offered the position in our single-family division as event coordinator and I gratefully accepted it. I will finally have a job that I love. I have been waiting for a very long time for something like this to happen and I am truly thankful it did.

Although I will not receive a pay increase, I will be rewarded by having work hours that I want, rather than work hours that someone else wants me to work. I will also have a large office space. Life is grand.

Mad World

This past weekend was not a very good one. On Sunday while I was with Mike and my children celebrating the holiday in Forest Lake, a tornado ripped through Hugo (which was four miles from where we were). We witnessed the devastation first hand as we drove the back roads of Centerville and Lino Lakes. I cried as I saw roof ripped from homes and barns crumbled like broken matchsticks. My heart goes out to the people who have suffered losses.

Yesterday Mike and I took the kids to his brother's house for another holiday celebration that took a turn for the worst. Without getting into too many details, all I can say is that my husband's brother is an awful person who does not deserve even half of what he has in life. It is not for me to judge him, I only pray that he redeems himself before it is too late.

When I came into work this morning, I found out that a very young woman I had worked with had died from cancer. She was only in her early 20s and still had so many years ahead of her. Kelly was truly amazing and touched so many people with her caring demeanor and zest for life.

It truly is a mad world; a mad world indeed.

Just Realize

Have you ever noticed that if you think positive things, then positivity comes to you? Yes, this is a hypothetical question to anyone who reads my blog. But it is a question to think about. I was in a rut for a while after I had lost a close friendship, having (yet, another time) an unemployed husband, the lack of my son speaking, out of control debt, etc. I think you get the picture. My mother even commented that she had thought that I was in a severe depression. Now, in hindsight, I believe I was. I had often wondered if my negativity was causing negative things to happen in my life. Guess what? It was!

Over the last two months I have realized that I cannot help that my close friendship failed (it was probably going to happen anyway), I could not control my husband losing his job, my son's inability to communicate verbally, and I shouldn't take responsibility (soley) for the debt getting out of control. The main point is that I realized that I needed to do something about it and I have. My husband is now gainfully employed, my son is starting to verbalize more words and I have resolved our debt issues. Although not all of the issues have been resolved (nor will they), I have resolved those that I can resolve. Just realize....(thanks Colbie Caillat).

I Just Want to Celebrate

I just want to celebrate (yeah, yeah)! I have a job interview tomorrow and it looks very promising to me. I feel like things are going to start to take a turn for the better; well at least it appears to be that way. I shall know more tomorrow afternoon after I have my interview. YES! I am so excited. I guess that all of my prayers for guidance worked! Thank you, God! I am really looking forward to this. YES! YES! YES! I have not been this excited, or looked forward to something like this happening for quite so time.

Karma Chameleon

There is a process in Middle-Eastern thought, more or less an aspect of philosophy, that states a person who allows themselves to be caught in actions that are non-self-serving are destined to repeat those actions without having the ability to break the cycle. I wish I would have paid more attention to the class I took in college, but I only remember a few of the principles that were taught in the class. I mean, we are talking about a class I took over seven years ago!

I am finding that each time I take an employment position I am unable to break out of the role I was initially hired for. Right now, I am on the verge of receiving a very well-deserved promotion that would allow me to do the things I excel at. There is one caveat to it; I will not receive a pay increase. I will be giving a lot more effort, but I won't be financially rewarded for it. I am very depressed over this and feel as if I am being denied--AGAIN! I really need to get out of this cycle. I will pray to God to provide me with the best answer.

Time may change me, but I can't change time...

I have never been a real fan of too many changes at the same time. I have always liked to have time to think about things that happen, and then deal with the issue/issues that are behind what happens. I have found that I cannot pick the hand that is dealt to me, so I must make best with the cards that I have.

This past year has been filled with many different changes for me. I have found that even thought I do not necessarily like the changes, I have adapted to them. Becuase of the changes, I have found myself to feel a bit empty at times. I admit that I am partially at fault for the emptiness, but not totally.

I am, now, a completely different person than I was a year ago. I guess that is one of the positive things about change.

My Two Sons

Oh, how I love being a mother! :)