The Gas Over Gasoline

Yesterday morning Mike was outside of our home cutting the grass and raking the yard with Brody. I decided to go outside and sweep the sidewalk of the grass clippings when I noticed that Brody was playing with something that looked like a hose. I walked over to where Brody was and I saw that someone had hidden a gas can inside of a burlap sack and a syphon hose was hanging out of the hole for the gas tank of Mike's parents' Suburban, which had been parked adjacent to our garage. Brody had put the hose in his mouth and his clothing and sandals were covered in gasoline. I immediately picked him up and brought him into the house for a bath. Mike discovered that all 40 gallons of gasoline that had been in the Suburban (it had a full tank) had been syphoned out.

Mike called the police and they came over to take a report from him. It was the first call they had received of someone syphoning gas from a vehicle. We also found out while the police were there that our neighbors were also missing half of their gasoline out of their Ford F-150 truck tank (30 gallons).

We decided to buy a key-locking gas cap. With the price of gasoline these days, I am sure we are not the only ones.

The Ex Factor - The Final Chapter

Well... All I can say is that what I saw today has only reaffirmed why I divorced Wayne in the first place.

I entered the side door of the conference room and felt my heart beating out of my chest. I kept envisioning the two scenarios that I had dreamt about. I kept back and peered around the corner and saw that he was sitting at a table. I did not see his face to know it was him, I saw his girth. Wayne has gained AT LEAST 50 pounds since I last saw him (I am being conservative with my estimate). After looking at him for five seconds, I knew I had seen enough. He looked disheveled and unkept. It was evident that he wasn't taking care of himself, nor was anyone else.

My life is better now than it ever was while I was married to Wayne. I have a wonderful and amazing husband, as well as two adorable children. God has truly blessed me with giving me a second chance at marriage and at having a REAL life for myself.

The Ex-Factor - Part II

Tomorrow I know for certain that my ex-husband will be at my place of employment for a training seminar. I found this out two days ago. I am very apprehensive about it and have had nightmares involving him the past two nights. Our marriage did not end on a good terms; it was truly awful. I feel that because it ended badly, I keep having these awful thoughts run through my head.

My nightmares have involved being in the training room and having two different scenarios occur:

1) Wayne comes in, sees me and immediately starts screaming at me about how I have ruined his life and that I shouldn't have selected a job that would involve seeing him. I become extremely embarassed and leave the training session.

2) Wayne comes in, sees me and tells me that he has been hoping that he would see me again and that he feels bad for being so awful to be in his last communication to me. He also tells me still loves me, which causes me to vomit on the floor and I run out in embarassment.

I guess that no matter what happens tomorrow, as long as I don't run out in embarassment, all should be well. At least this is what I am hoping for.

The Ex-Factor

An important part of my new job involves coordinating events for single-family lender partners and their staff. One of our lender partners is Bremer Bank. My ex-husband used to work (and still does from what I am told) for Bremer Bank. Right now, as I write this, my ex-husband can be potentially in the same office building as I am and he can be watching the PowerPoint presentation that I created for our new program. Scary.

It has been over three years since I last saw my ex-husband. The last time I saw him I was seven months pregnant with Brody. I never figured out if he saw me trying to hide myself behind a cooler filled with english muffins and pudding, but I did see him. He had looked the same as he always had, which isn't a compliment.

I cannot stand my ex-husband, which is exactly why I am no longer married to him. The thought that I will potentially be confronting him sometime in the no-so-exact near future is thought enough in itself to make me sick to my stomach. Does that make sense? I will wait to hear from co-workers if he is in the training session. If he is in the training session, perhaps I will have to make a trip down---or not.

One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer (or four)

I don't drink alcohol on a regular basis. I used to drink quite a lot back in my bar hey-days, but I don't anymore. Last Friday I went to "Happy Hour" with my co-workers at the Muddy Pig over on Dale/Selby in St. Paul. It was to celebrate my new job and the promotion of another co-worker who also will be working in the same division as I will be. The Muddy Pig is known for its enumerate microbeer selections. On Friday, my choice of beer was called "Acme IPA". I cannot recall what it was made out of, but it was damn good. I must have liked it quite a bit since I cannot recall exactly how many I ordered. It was a good thing that Mike joined me there because I would have been in no shape to drive.

As the beer continued to flow, I became more and more boisterous. I really cannot recall what happened before we left, but I believe it involved making a toast and a lot of swearing. Mike told me the next morning that he didn't think it was a good idea if I drank heavily with co-workers again---period. I was a bit worried before I came to work this morning; wondering if I truly made as much of an ass of myself as Mike lead me to believe. I guess I was more worried about it than I had to be. I only received one comment from a co-worker: "Boy, you really don't know the people you work with until you go out to Happy Hour with them." Interesting, but cryptic...no?

Crush Me

It's crazy
I'm thinking
Just knowing that the world is round
Here I'm dancing on the ground
Am I right side up or upside down
Is this real or am I dreaming...

Next month it will be my three-year wedding anniversary. I often think of the circumstances of how I met my husband. It is truly an amazing, kismet sort of a story. Without telling the whole thing, here is an abbreviated version:

1) Went to housewarming party
2) Hung out at party for two hours
3) Left party
4) Went out to dinner with Gomez Adams (a.k.a. Vicodin)
5) Drank lots of alcohol at forementioned dinner
6) Left Gomez's house and drove back to party
7) Got to party and drank more beer
8) Ran into friend Trudy who was there with co-workers
9) Was convinced that I needed to go with Trudy to sing karaoke
10) At the last minute, changed mind and didn't leave party
11) Sat around fire and saw tall drink of water come in through the gate (literally)
12) Talked to cute, tall guy
13) Made out with cute, tall guy
14) Went back to cute, tall guy's house

Well, I think we can guess the rest of what happened without saying it. I must admit that we did not have a perfect relationship at first. I called him "Moochie Mike" and questioned his ability to keep a job for longer than two months.

He has been the only man who can truly put me into my place. He makes me laugh so hard that my sides ache. He makes love to me as if each time is the first time. He makes me cry with joy when he rocks my children to sleep. My husband is truly an amazing man and I feel very fortunate to have him in my life. I love you Michael and how you truly "Crush Me" every day.

The Weight is Over

Last night I went clothes shopping with my sister. It was the first time I had been clothing shopping since last fall. I used to be very apprehensive about shopping for clothes because I was afraid of not having anything fit--or the sizes were too depressing to look at. After being told by a co-worker that it looked as if I had a full-diaper in my pants, I felt it was time to invest in some new clothing.

I used to weigh myself every morning. I stopped that practice about seven months ago. I was becoming too anal retentive about gaining six ounces here, or losing a pound there. I was obsessive about my weight. Another contributing factor to stopping my scale craze was quitting smoking (which is over seven months ago now). I figured that I didn't need to know how much weight I was gaining by quitting smoking, so I stopped because of that as well.

In trying on the assorted clothes I selected for myself last night, I found that none of the sizes I had selected fit; they were TOO BIG! It was a good thing that my sister was there becuase I had to make her go back and get not one, but TWO SIZES smaller than what I wore last fall. I was elated!

I am still not at my ideal goal weight, which is what I weighed while I was going to college, but I feel much more happier about my appearance. I am so glad that the weight is definately over! :)

Hungry Heart

Like a river that don't know where its flowing...
I took a wrong turn and I just kept going...

I just had lunch with my good friend from one of my previous places of employment. She is in a bit of a funk right now because she has been there for five years and still does not feel as if she has a purpose for working there. I continuously tell her that she needs to make a change that would be beneficial to her--not just a change that would be for the sake of making one. Life changes need to have more than one benefit.

The most exciting thing about life is change. Nothing ever stays the same in life. We all need to do things that make us happier in life. If we don't do things that make us happier, then we all stay the same and never better ourselves. We all can use improvement in at least one area. Scary...for a moment that was a bit too motivational-speakerish! :)

Becoming too familiar with something often leads to contempt. I know it is a trite saying, but we all need to have a "hungry heart".

Working 9 to 5 (No more...)

For the first time in my career history, I have been rewarded with a job promotion. Well, I guess my promotion from teaching assistant to teaching assistant supervisor was a promotion back at SCSU, but it is not of the same magnitude. Yesterday afternoon I was offered the position in our single-family division as event coordinator and I gratefully accepted it. I will finally have a job that I love. I have been waiting for a very long time for something like this to happen and I am truly thankful it did.

Although I will not receive a pay increase, I will be rewarded by having work hours that I want, rather than work hours that someone else wants me to work. I will also have a large office space. Life is grand.

Mad World

This past weekend was not a very good one. On Sunday while I was with Mike and my children celebrating the holiday in Forest Lake, a tornado ripped through Hugo (which was four miles from where we were). We witnessed the devastation first hand as we drove the back roads of Centerville and Lino Lakes. I cried as I saw roof ripped from homes and barns crumbled like broken matchsticks. My heart goes out to the people who have suffered losses.

Yesterday Mike and I took the kids to his brother's house for another holiday celebration that took a turn for the worst. Without getting into too many details, all I can say is that my husband's brother is an awful person who does not deserve even half of what he has in life. It is not for me to judge him, I only pray that he redeems himself before it is too late.

When I came into work this morning, I found out that a very young woman I had worked with had died from cancer. She was only in her early 20s and still had so many years ahead of her. Kelly was truly amazing and touched so many people with her caring demeanor and zest for life.

It truly is a mad world; a mad world indeed.

Just Realize

Have you ever noticed that if you think positive things, then positivity comes to you? Yes, this is a hypothetical question to anyone who reads my blog. But it is a question to think about. I was in a rut for a while after I had lost a close friendship, having (yet, another time) an unemployed husband, the lack of my son speaking, out of control debt, etc. I think you get the picture. My mother even commented that she had thought that I was in a severe depression. Now, in hindsight, I believe I was. I had often wondered if my negativity was causing negative things to happen in my life. Guess what? It was!

Over the last two months I have realized that I cannot help that my close friendship failed (it was probably going to happen anyway), I could not control my husband losing his job, my son's inability to communicate verbally, and I shouldn't take responsibility (soley) for the debt getting out of control. The main point is that I realized that I needed to do something about it and I have. My husband is now gainfully employed, my son is starting to verbalize more words and I have resolved our debt issues. Although not all of the issues have been resolved (nor will they), I have resolved those that I can resolve. Just realize....(thanks Colbie Caillat).

I Just Want to Celebrate

I just want to celebrate (yeah, yeah)! I have a job interview tomorrow and it looks very promising to me. I feel like things are going to start to take a turn for the better; well at least it appears to be that way. I shall know more tomorrow afternoon after I have my interview. YES! I am so excited. I guess that all of my prayers for guidance worked! Thank you, God! I am really looking forward to this. YES! YES! YES! I have not been this excited, or looked forward to something like this happening for quite so time.

Karma Chameleon

There is a process in Middle-Eastern thought, more or less an aspect of philosophy, that states a person who allows themselves to be caught in actions that are non-self-serving are destined to repeat those actions without having the ability to break the cycle. I wish I would have paid more attention to the class I took in college, but I only remember a few of the principles that were taught in the class. I mean, we are talking about a class I took over seven years ago!

I am finding that each time I take an employment position I am unable to break out of the role I was initially hired for. Right now, I am on the verge of receiving a very well-deserved promotion that would allow me to do the things I excel at. There is one caveat to it; I will not receive a pay increase. I will be giving a lot more effort, but I won't be financially rewarded for it. I am very depressed over this and feel as if I am being denied--AGAIN! I really need to get out of this cycle. I will pray to God to provide me with the best answer.

Time may change me, but I can't change time...

I have never been a real fan of too many changes at the same time. I have always liked to have time to think about things that happen, and then deal with the issue/issues that are behind what happens. I have found that I cannot pick the hand that is dealt to me, so I must make best with the cards that I have.

This past year has been filled with many different changes for me. I have found that even thought I do not necessarily like the changes, I have adapted to them. Becuase of the changes, I have found myself to feel a bit empty at times. I admit that I am partially at fault for the emptiness, but not totally.

I am, now, a completely different person than I was a year ago. I guess that is one of the positive things about change.

My Two Sons

Oh, how I love being a mother! :)

More, More, More (How Do You Like It?)

Okay, I have to admit that I was desperate to make a job change when I left my last job four months ago. Little did I know that I would give up a lot of the freedoms that I had come to enjoy. This evening I spent almost an hour cleaning up all of the SPAM that had been sent to my five email accounts, which is something that would have never happened; because my accounts would have never became so bad in the first place. At my current employer I do not have the liberty to check my email accounts at my leisure. Do you want to know what I do at my leisure at work? Nothing. I have no leisure time. I once made a joke when I first started that the place was reminiscent of the office of Meryl Streep's character in "The Devil Wears Prada". No one thought it was funny. I should have known then that it was a sign.

Some of the things that were an issue last year for me are still an issue this year. I still have money problems, but who doesn't have money problems? I have kind of made a sick game out of it. Here is what typically happens when bill collectors call my house:

Bill Collector: Yes, is Stacy there?
Me: This is she.
Bill Collector: Yes, this is Mr.Bill Collector from Random Credit Card Company, do you realize that your payment is currently 5 days late.
Me: Yes.
Bill Collector: When will you be making that payment?
Me: Hmmm... I might be able to do it sometime in the next two weeks.
Bill Collector: Okay, of the total amount that is currently due, how much of a payment can you make today?
Me: Nothing.
Bill Collector: Okay, when will you be able to make the minimum payment due?
Me: I told you it will be within the next two weeks.
Bill Collector: Can you tell me why you fell behind in making your payment on time?

That is the one that always gets me. Why in the hell do you think it wasn't made on time? Do they actually believe that I spent time thinking about how I could get them to call and bother me? I think it is hilarious. I'll spare you the rest of the conversation because it isn't even worth the time I will spend to write it out? Get it--spend? That pun wasn't even intentional. I wish it had been.

Although I would really like to bitch some more about work, I don't think it is worth the effort either. I guess that I have learned the last few months that it is unnecessary to exert any extra effort unless it will be rewarded. Even though the thought of someone reading my gibber jabber has a reward ring to it; I am too tired to continue my tirade. I could give more, more, more, but I think I will stop. Good night. :)

Dusting off the old blog

So much has happened since I last wrote that I don't even know where I should begin. Perhaps I will just wait for another time when I have a few free moments to myself. I do miss blogging becuase it was kind of a therapy for me. I do not know when I will have a free moment to myself, but I can hope for it at least.

Things are pretty much the same for me. My husband at least has a somewhat stable job now and I am gainfully employed. I know--it's boring. There is nothing wrong with living a normal, stable life. It is something that I like to have now that things are on an even keel. I do wish, however, that I had more time to myself, but for now, it has to be what it is.

More blogging to come--I promise.

134-160

134) I believe that my best feature is my eyes.
135) The feature that attracts me to other people the most is their eyes.
136) Eyes are windows into a person's soul.
137) I cannot stand it when people speak to me and do not look me in the eyes.
138) When walking towards people, I look people straight in the eyes.
139) When I do this, people usually smile or they look at the ground.
140) Those who look at the ground are cowards and I perceive those people to be weak.
141) People who continuously draw attention to themselves are usually trying to hide something.
142) When I feel that I am being cheated, I seek revenge.
143) I am guilty of making rash decisions.
144) My ultimate goal in life is to be happy.
145) In my early 20s I was very depressed and took Prozac for my depression.
146) I do not believe that drugs are the answer to people's problems.
147) An unexamined life is not worth living.
148) Socrates said that last statement.
149) I really do not understand the hype about Shakespeare; there were many other wonderful authors during the same time period.
150) I really believe that Christopher Marlowe was a far better writer that William Shakespeare.
151) My last comment caused quite a stir during my Shakespeare literature class in college.
152) The forementioned class was the only English class I took in college in which I received a C+.
153) My favorite author is Wally Lamb.
154) My favorite book is "She's Come Undone".
155) If a film were to be made of my favorite book, I don't know of any actress who would be able to play the title character.
156) I think that Jessica Simpson, Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, and Lindsay Lohan are all no-talent hacks.
157) I think the most worthless television show is "Dancing with the Stars".
158) My current quest is to find a brand of hairspray that will actually work on my hair.
159) I believe the current condition of my hair is that it is too healthy.
160) I am guilty of switching topics of conversation without proper segue.

More to come later...

And I'm telling you, I'm going...

Do you know what the best part about changing jobs is? Shredding. That's right; shredding. I have been shredding documents since I walked in the door at 8:30 this morning. There is nothing like the sound of paper going through the shredder; a loud, whirling noise that is almost on the verge of annoyance. I love it. What I love even more is that my co-workers can hear it throughout our office suite. I bet they are gritting their teeth and holding their heads as if they are in dire need of Excedrin. I LOVE IT!

You are probably asking yourself; why is she so angry against her current employer? Well, it is because there is a great injustice going on--almost to the point of being considered discrimination. My boss, who is a woman, is currently paying the only man in our office over $100K for making phone calls, puffing up his chest, and pretending to be important. Sounds like a great job, doesn't it? The next highest paid employee in our office, a woman, makes $40K less than he does and works her ass off. She puts in 10 hour days and goes out of her way to make sure she has a handle on all everything associated with her position. Can you see the problem here? It only gets worse.

I asked my boss for a raise in order to compensate for the $750 monthly medical insurance coverage and I was denied; that is why I sought out another position. When I told my boss I was leaving; what does she do? She hires someone and pays her $3K more than what I am making right now. Do you see what is wrong with this picture? I am the type of person who normally does not put up with people treating me unfairly, but I have to play nice because I need health insurance coverage for the next month for my family. I normally do not care about burning bridges, but in this case, I have to and it bothers me more than anything.

The countdown is on ladies and gentlemen; six days, 23 hours, fifteen minutes, 18 seconds...

Another 100 Things

I am bored today at work, so here it goes...

101) I once won a trophy for writing an essay titled "From Liberty's View".
102) I won second place; first place went to a refugee from Vietnam.
103) A week before the award ceremony, my 6th grade teacher, Mrs. Krupich, accused me of plagarism.
104) I had no idea what plagarism was; I had to look it up in the dictionary.
105) I love to write fiction.
106) In my collection of writing, I have an unfinished screenplay that I began writing when I was in college.
107) I always imagined Lou Diamond Phillips being cast as the lead of my screenplay.
108) During my time in college, I starred in two independent films that were produced by my film studies classmates; "Night of the Living Beer" and "The Eye in You".
109) I miss my former film studies classmates.
110) In my lifetime I have owned 10 vehicles.
111) The coolest ride I had was a 1979 Mercury Gran Marquis (two-door).
112) When I was in high school, we used to play a game on the backroads that was called "Hey Cow!".
113) "Hey Cow!" would consist of an individual yelling out of the car window to a cow and if the cow looked at the person, the person would have to take a shot of alcohol.
114) I don't remember how or when the "Hey Cow!" game would end.
115) Throughout my life I have had 22 jobs.
116) On May 21, I will start job #23.
117) The worst job I ever had was working as an accountant for a fence company.
118) It was the first job I ever quit working at before acquiring another job beforehand.
119) The longest I have ever worked at one job was two years, four months.
120) The shortest amount of time I have worked at one job was one week.
121) Once I figure out how to do a job, I become bored with it.
122) I have never been diagnosed with ADD or ADHD.
123) The search for the replacement at my current place of employment isn't going well for my supervisor.
124) I secretly hope that they do not find an adequate replacement before I quit working at my current job.
125) I believe, at times, I am the devil in disguise.
126) My favorite American film is "Titanic".
127) My favorite Foreign film is "Cinema Paradiso".
128) My least favorite film of all is "Seven Beauties".
129) The last film I saw in the theatre was "Dreamgirls".
130) I believe that Netfilx was invented with people like myself in mind.
131) The last book I read was "The DaVinci Code".
132) For the last year and a half I have been trying to read "The Sicilian" by Mario Puzo.
133) I miss reading books.

I will continue this on Monday, when I will be bored again at work...