There needs to be closure

Yesterday my husband had a telephone appeal hearing about his unemployment benefits. Almost a month ago he was able to come to an agreement with his former employer and they were willing to change his termination to a permanent layoff. By taking the "deal" my husband was informed by his union representative that Mike would be entitled to his unemployment benefits without reservation. This was incorrect. When he spoke to the unemployment judge on the telephone, he told Mike that he received a copy of the "deal", but it was only going to be taken into evidence and would not be a deciding factor in his decision. Once again we are left in limbo; wondering if things will be in our favor or not.

As the clock ticks by, I am also troubled by the decision pertaining to our health insurance coverage as well. I have left enumerated messages to the person handling my account for over a week and have yet to receive at least one return phone call. today I left a message for the person's supervisor, but I have not heard a response back. I know it is early in the day, but this is getting ridiculous. The reason I am so worried about this is not only because the clock is ticking toward the end of my pregnancy, but I could potentially receive a refund from my current insurance provider if I receive retroactive coverage. This means I would receive a credit back for over a thousand dollars. Since Mike is not working, this would be wonderful for us to receive.

Although I know I need closure to theose things that have been ongoing for quite some time, I do feel fortunate that I do not have the same problems that my other family members have. My cousin who recently gave birth to a Downs Syndrome child found out that child will also need to have heart surgery because she has a hole in her heart. Children are innocent and do not deserve to suffer.

My father also told me last night that my cousin, who has been married to his wife for over 18 years, was told that she wanted a divorce after she has been meeting her two on-line boyfriends and spending enumerated hours at the bar; smoking and drinking.

It could be worse, but some closure would be nice.

Paranoid

I am at the part of my pregnancy when I am paranoid about everything. I hate this period of time. When I was pregnant with Brody I was convinced that my husband was cheating on me and having sex with someone else while I was at work. I even told my husband at the time that I thought he was doing this. After I told him, I think he asked me if I needed psychological help.

Although I do not feel the way I did about the fabricated "cheating" last time, I still question what my husband is doing with his time. Since he is not working, I feel a bit unsettled. I especially feel so after I come home from work and notice that nothing has been completed throughout the course of the day. I then wonder if taking care of Brody takes that much energy, or if he is doing something else that isn't constructive.

I don't know. I am becoming more and more paranoid as each day passes. I am afraid for the health of my child. I worry when I do not feel movement from him as each hour passes. I go back to the doctor a week from today and I wonder if it is soon enough. I feel like I really have no control over myself anymore. My feelings of paranoia are starting to wear on me. I really need this pregnancy to be over with; once and for all.

Bah, Humbug!

I am really lacking the holiday spirit this year. We did not purchase a tree or deck the halls. I am too tired to do anything when I come home from work and the weekends have been filled with running from one place to another. I still have not completed any holiday shopping for gifts, and, to be honest, I am not sure when I will be able to either. The holidays are not the same anymore.

There used to be a time in which I loved the holidays. It was wonderful to be able to spend time with family and loved ones. Now I feel as if I am being controlled by my family members to do what they want and it really bothers me. I don't think that I would feel as awful if I wasn't pregnant, but I do. I haven't had the energy to do much of anything but get up, eat breakfast, go to work, east lunch, go home, eat dinner and go to sleep. I cannot tell you the last time I did something for myself. It was too long ago to remember.

I really want the holidays to be over with. Yes, I know...bah, humbug!

Keep on moving

Yesterday I had my OB appointment to find out if my chid was head down and on his way out the exit. Guess what? He isn't. It is worse than two weeks ago; he is now transverse, which means he is currently length-wise in my uterus. It is very uncomfortable and I can't hardly breathe with his back pushed into my diaphram. My OB told me that she is just trying to get me to 37 weeks and then I could be induced. This means I have five weeks left of my pregnancy--technically. I guess I will just have to wait and see what happens. Keep moving baby, keep moving.

Watch out! She's foaming at the mouth!

Okay, I admit that I am very neurotic lately. I think being able to admit that is half the recovery process. The next month and a half--or whatever amount of time I have left being pregnant--will be very difficult for me. God bless my husband and other people around me. If I had to put up with myself on a daily basis I think I wouldn't be able to. I think that sounds like telling someone to shut their mouth when they are talking to me. I digress.

This morning I was running late for work and I could not get my shoes on. I felt as helpless as a child when I realized that I could not bend over and put my tennis shoes on. My child-to-be prevents me from doing so. I yelled to my husband to help me with my shoes. I think he thought I was crazy when he saw me trying to put my shoes on without using my hands. I think I will need to wear slip-on shoes from now on. He put my shoes on for me and tied the laces. I then hugged my son and went out into the garage to move my car outside. When I opened the garage door I realized that my husband had parked too close when he had come home from the grocery store last night. I got into my car and proceeded to try to maneuver my car to try to get out of the garage. I hit the garbage cans three times and got so close to the edge of the garage that I could not get out of my car. I began screaming and crawled into the passenger seat to get out of the car. I then went into the house and told my husband that he had better get outside and move his @&*%ing car. He was about to throw his keys to me when I told him that if he didn't move it himself, I was going to make sure it would never move again. As soon as he moved his vehicle, I barreled down the driveway and proceeded to drive to SA for gasoline.

When I got to SA, I was feeling bad that I had been such an ass about my shoes and the garage situation. I got out of my car and put the hose in my car to pump the gas and got back into my car to call Mike. I told him I was sorry for the way I acted and told him that I loved him. He accepted my apology and told me he would call me later. At the time our conversation ended, the gas had stopped pumping. I went to hang up the nozzle when a voice said to me, "Pump 12, Pump 12 you need to be outside of your car when you are pumping your gas." I could not believe it what this bitch had just said to me. I yelled back to the voice so hopefully her and the rest of the people who were at the gas pumps could hear, "@&%$ you! I'll pump my @%&$ing gas anyway I want to!" I then went into SA and I was ready to kick some ass. I grabbed my daily purchase of English Toffee cappuccino and threw my money on the counter. I walked out of the store and got into my car.

I know it will end soon, but not soon enough.

Something for the complaint file

Okay, I know the last month of my blog has revolved around my complaints over my husband losing his job and the like. Although that whole fiasco has really pissed me off, there are several other things that seem to be taking the cake lately. Here they are; in no particular order:

1) My pregnancy
I currently do not weigh as much as I did during my last pregnancy, but for some reason my ass must be bigger. I can no longer fit into the same chairs I used to sit in last year when I was pregnant. So far I have gained 33 pounds with my pregnancy and last time I gained 83. Hmmm... What bothered me the most was when I went to the restroom today at work and as I was walking my child-to-be kicked me very hard. As I put my hand up to my stomach the building cleaning lady asked me if I had a stomach ache. I looked at her appalled at practically yelled at her, "I AM PREGNANT!" She then looked at me as if I were crazy and I proceeded to answer the typical questions pertaining to pregnancy: other children, boy or girl, when due, etc. I don't know. I am now in a state of wonderment about the way I look. Is it normal to look as if one has swallowed a beachball?

2) My job
We are closing on a property at the end of next week and everyone who works here needs an attitude adjustment. I have been coming into work early so I do not have to stay late. Guess what? I have had to stay late because things don't seem to progress around here until 4 p.m. It reminds me of the song in "The Wizard of Oz"...
We get up and then we go to work at one,
Take an hour for lunch and then at two we're done.
Jolly old fun!
Here it is a bit different, but only slightly. People come and go as they please. One person has perpetual doctor appointments. Don't even get me started on that one.

3) My medical insurance
I am currently paying $750 per month for my husband and son to be medically insured. This is a good portion of my total monthly income. It might not seem like a lot of money, but when you are the only person working and trying to support four people (since being pregnant I can count my unborn child) it is a lot to me. I qualify for discounted medical insurance, but I was told that even though I am pregnant, I am not entitled to the stated fifteen-day waiting period because there are a lot of people who have also applied and the main office is overstaffed. Is this my problem? No, it is not. As time ticks by, I am becoming more panicked. I don't want to have to pay an additional $350 in February to insure my newborn when I won't be working full-time.

4) My family
Every year my grandparents have had a massive Christmas celebration at their house for as long as I have been alive. This year I found out that they will not be having the celebration at their house because there is not enough room for the 50+ people to fit in their basement. Instead of going to their house in the cities, we are now all expected to drive to Wyoming, MN on Christmas to celebrate at my aunt and uncle's house (which is considerably smaller than my grandparents' house). Since I have to drive to Forest Lake on Christmas Eve, I am not too willing to drive up there two days in a row. Christmas, to me, is about being able to celebrate with family members. If one side of my family is trying to dominate my participation in holiday activites, it is not fair to the other side.

A day in the life

I read the news today;
Oh boy...

The Har Mar movie theater is closing its doors on Thursday after being open for over 30 years. I must admit that I am a little sad over this news. In the late 70s and early 80s I saw many films there. The one thing I liked the most about Har Mar was the women's restroom. I know, it sounds odd, but if you have been there before, then you should know what I am talking about. In the main theater, which has three screens, there is a women's restroom that is unlike any other. The restroom has stalls that are of every color of the rainbow. When inside the stall, the vanity, sink and toilet are all of the same color. It was like having your own personal bathroom inside of each stall; except for a bathtub or shower. Perhaps I should go one last time and vie for the blue stall; just like I used to do with my cousin Judy when her and I were young. On second thought, I am not that nostalgic over a restroom.

Happy, Happy Birthday Baby

Yes, today is my 33rd birthday. I should also mention that it is my brother Joshua's 19th birthday as well (Happy Birthday, Josh). Do I feel older today? That was the first question asked of me by one of my co-workers this morning. I said no, but I really think I should change that response to a yes. The first thing I did when I came in to work was spill half of a SuperAmerica English toffee cappuccino on my desk; which destroyed a large pile of important papers. Nice. Well, it can only get better from here. Well...maybe.

Last night I began to think back to my previous birthdays. Here are a few of the most memorable (not for good reasons either)...

Birthday #30 - I was sick with a sinus infection and had to leave work early. I went home and felt sorry for myself, so I watched "Gone with the Wind" on DVD. (This is something I usually do when I am ill)

Birthday #29 - I got a free birthday steak from Cherokee Sirloin Room, which was unedible due to the fact it was burnt to a crisp on the outside. I also received dead flowers from my husband at the time. Perhaps it was an early premonition of things to come.

Birthday #21 - The day before this birthday I had went to Perkins with a group of friends and, by accident, left my purse on the roof of my car and drove away. When I noticed its absence later on in the evening, I went back to Perkins and no one had the decency to turn it in. There was over $250 in cash in my purse. I had no license; I could not drink. A week later I received the purse in an USPS Priority Mail box and a note. The note said that the person was sorry, but they had to keep the money that was in my wallet because they needed it more than I did (yeah, right). He/she also told me that he/she was keeping my name and address so that they could return the money to me if he/she "ever hit it big". I am still not holding my breath over that one.

Birthday #14 - I was a selfish and self-hearted adolescent on this birthday because my brother was born and all I could think about was myself. I hate to think about how awful I used to be; that is why it is one of my non-favorite birthdays.

Birthday #4 - My friend across the hall, Kimmie, decided that she was going to cut off all of my ringlet adorned hair because we were playing house and I was the baby. Babies weren't supposed to have hair. My mother screamed bloody-murder throughout our whole apartment complex. I think the screaming is what I remember the most about my Golden Birthday.

Instant Karma

We all shine on; like the moon, and the stars, and the sun...

Yesterday was an interesting day. Mike called me at work to tell me that he was offered a temporary position working for a company in Columbia Heights doing the same work he had done before. He would be required to work 10 hour days that would begin at 4:00 p.m. The pay is $3 less than what he was making before, and it would be a longer drive for him as well. The other downside to this position is that since he would be required to work 10 hour days, he would not get home until 3 a.m. and possibly not to sleep until 4 a.m. I work at 8:30 a.m. Brody usually gets up at 7:00 a.m. As Brody grows older, he does not like long naps in the morning any longer. I fear that this position will not be the greatest for Mike or our family. Needless to say, I told him to take it. If it does not work, then we will deal with that later. We also do not know if this position will last two weeks, or potentially longer. We need money right now and that is the bottom line.

I also had a doctor's appointment yesterday afternoon and I found out that the child I am carrying is breech. This is not good news at all. I am hoping he will have a change of heart and do a somersault sometime in the near future. He is measuring two-weeks ahead of his size, which is not a surprise at all. I do not need a c-section with this pregnancy because it would require me to be out from work longer than the two weeks I had already anticipated being out for. Since my employer does not have a short-term disability policy, any time I take off for my pregnancy is unpaid (aside from the two weeks I currently have banked in vacation and sick time).

I really wish there was a simple solution to these problems. But, like the song says, I guess we all just have to "shine on".

Still the same

I really like the song, "Still the Same" by Bob Seger (who is incidentally playing at the Xcel Center tonight). It is about a woman who like to play games without holding herself responsible for anything that comes from the game playing. She is a distant person who does not allow herself to become attached to anyone. I think the reason I like it so much is because that person used to be me.

I laugh about a lot of the things that I used to do. I am not sure if it is because I am humored by my previous actions, or if it is just because I cannot think of how else to feel about what I have done in the past. For example, when I was 21, I went to 'Club Hideaway' off of Rice St. with my friend at the time, Laurie, and told her that I could get the next guy who came out of the restroom to kiss me. I don't remember the name of the guy who was the lucky recipient of my kiss, but I do remember that he was wearing a light blue, button-down oxford shirt. I told him that I was getting married the next weekend and all I had wanted to do was know what it was like to kiss another man who was not my husband. He was willing to oblige, as long as I did it in front of his friend. Whatever. I did it and my friend was shocked to say the least. Well, at least I didn't have sex with Steven Pearcy from Ratt in the back of his tour bus like she did.

I need a drink and a cigarette

Last week there was an interesting booklet that was included in the St. Paul paper. It featured recipes for enumerated alcholic drinks and what wine went with which food. I know that this isn't the most important thing I should be thinking about right now, but I cannot help it. I was practically drooling over the recipes for chocolate martinis and margaritas.

I realize that after the birth of my second child that my chances of being able to get drunk are slim to none. Let's face it; no one will want to watch an infant and a one-year-old overnight so mommy can have a few cocktails. That would be like asking someone to undergo unneccessary surgery for the fun of it. Perhaps I am feeling sorry for myself given my current life situation, but this is the prime time for my selfish tendencies to show.

In my recent dreams I dream that I am sitting at a bar with two drinks in front of me and a pack of Marlboro Ultra Lights (box). In the dreams I am able to drink, drink, and drink some more without any repercussions. I also smoke like a chimney in the same dreams. Nice, huh? I think it is rather sad that I am dreaming about alcohol and cigarettes. I should be dreaming about something more realistic, but why? My dreams are a means of escapism. Tonight I will be sure to order another tall Bud Light and smoke another 10 cigarettes.

The importance of being earnest

I look for jobs for my husband every day. I do this because it is easier for me to search at work during the day than it is for him to try to get on-line from our house (we have dial-up) and try to look while caring for Brody. This morning I found a position that was perfect. Although it was from 8 p.m. to 6:00 a.m., it was the same work my husband had been doing previously. I told him about it and he was interested despite the graveyard hours. Did I mention it was from Sunday to Wednesday? Only four days? Anyway, I sent off his resume and he received a response immediately. He was not pleased that it was located in Coon Rapids (we live in IGH), but he was willing to meet with the HR representative nonetheless.

At noon I received a phone call from my husband at work telling me that the place he was going to was much further than he thought; it was almost in Anoka. He also said that his mother asked him when he was going to get any sleep when he worked until 6:00 a.m., and then I left for work at 8:00 a.m. I told him that I was under the assumption that his parents were still going to help with our daycare situation. He then asked me if I would bring the children (since #2 will be here in less than two months) to his parents' house before I went to work in the morning, and I told him yes. I didn't think it would be that much of an issue for his parents to help us since they told us before that they were more than willing to help us out with whatever we needed. I didn't like the way my husband was presenting this to me; it was as if he was already throwing away the whole notion of working for this company even before he had an interview with them.

About a half an hour ago, I received another phone call from my husband. This time it was more frantic. He asked me what the phone number was to the place he was interviewing at because he could not find it. His interview was at 1:00 and he was calling me at 1:05. I was livid. I asked him why he was calling me now when he had been in the area for at least an hour already. He told me he wasn't there that long, but it didn't make any sense. If he knew it was on the border of Anoka at noon, then why was he calling me at 1:05 wondering where it was? I gave him the number and hung up.

I do not know what to think at this point. I am mad at my mother-in-law for telling my husband she didn't think this was a good position for him. Is she planning on supporting us until my husband finds a job? I doubt it. I am also upset with my husband for throwing away the hope of landing the position before he goes to the interview. I really feel that he shouldn't be picky at this point in time, but he is. For me, it is difficult to understand why he isn't overtly gushing over any position I put before him.

It ain't over till it's over

The saga of the employment position continues. I will try to sum it up as best as possible...

1) Mike attended meeting
2) Employer said Mike is still fired
3) Union rep tells Mike it isn't over until union board votes on position on Wednesday
4) Mike thinks he'll know about job future on Wednesday until he calls union rep again and finds out this is only the preliminary voting to decide if they will appeal Mike being fired by the board
5) Mike finds out mediation process can take 4-9 months
6) Mike calls temporary agencies and cannot find work

Should I continue? I think I won't. This whole thing reminds me of Dante's "Inferno"; but I am not quite sure which "Circle of Hell" this would fall into. Hmmm...too bad I don't have more idle time to ponder that one.

Things could be a lot worse than what they are. This statement is starting to wear on me--kind of like the advice of my in-laws. Did I say that out loud? Well, I guess I did. Perhaps tomorrow will be better; it will be another day.

These days I feel my life is like a river running through...

This morning Cities 97 played one of my most favorite songs ever: "Year of the Cat" by Al Stewart. It wasn't just the regular radio version either; it was the extended version that included the piano solo at the beginning. It was nice to have such a treat this cold November morning.

I am beginning to feel more at ease about the fact that my husband is jobless. I haven't cried yet today, so that is a good thing. After tomorrow morning, I will feel even better. Tomorrow will go one of two ways: Mike is offered his job back or he isn't offered his job back. I really hope it is over for good. I feel it is time for us to have a clean break from the whole thing and try to get some normalcy back into our lives. I am doing everything that I can to keep my family secure and that is all I can do. The things that I cannot control or fix are completely out of my hands.

It's always darkest before it goes pitch black

Despair. Isn't it lovely? I am in the midst of complete and total despair. My husband was denied his unemployment benefits yesterday. I had a complete and total breakdown and went into hysterics as I drove home from work yesterday afternoon. Did I mention that I am in my third trimester of my pregnancy? Well, I am. I had no business getting worked up the way I did. It just happened that way.

I used to care about what was going on in the world, but now I could care a less. I now wonder if I am going to be able to feed my family, if there will be a roof over our heads, if my unborn child will be born premature, etc. I think one can get the jist of what I am speaking of. I have not had my hair cut since June and I am in dire need of a color touch up as well. Do I care? No. These things are petty and will have to wait until other things are taken care of.

My husband seems to think that he will be getting his job back at his former place of employment on Friday. He has a meeting with his union representative and the bitch who authorized his termination. I have always subscribed to the belief that people who do bad onto others will, in turn, have bad things happen to them. Karma; it is a blessed thing.

Practicing politics

I don't want to discuss last night's election results. Instead, I wish to discuss one politican who made a difference to me: Sen. Paul Wellstone. I have a nice narrative that I wish to share...

It was a beautiful summer day at the Minnesota State Fair. I had had my share of Sweet Martha's Cookies and I was ready to go home. As my ex-husband and I began to walk towards the exit of the fair, we saw that a large line had formed in front of us. I asked my ex if he could see what the line was for, and he said it was Sen. Paul Wellstone. I was intrigued and asked my ex to stand in line with me to speak to the Senator. He refused, which is something he usually did when I asked him to do something I wanted to do. I told him that I was going to wait no matter how long it took.

Wellstone made his way through the line; spending time with each person who had stood in line to speak to him. Not once did he glance at his watch or put someone off in order to greet the next person in line. He listened to each and every person who had waited in line to talk to him.

As he got closer, I heard his assistant, Will McLaughlin, tell him that he needed to go because he was late for a radio interview. Wellstone told McLaughlin that he would have to be late because it was more important to talk to the people of Minnesota who had waited in line to speak to him. When he got to me I told him that I was very impressed with the work he had done and that I was planning on voting for him again at the next election. He thanked me and told me that it was important to hear the voices of all those in Minnesota who believed in him and the work he had done.

I know a lot of people were angered by Wellstone's position on same-sex marriages, but that is only one political issue. He was a marvelous individual who died before his work was done. I admit I was angered over the memorial service that turned into a political rally after his passing, but it didn't change the way I felt about him as an individual.

Do on to others as they do on to you

This morning I ordered a medium coffee at McDonalds and I was given a small. Instead of just giving me a medium coffee like I had ordered, the employee at the second window made it a point to reprint my receipt from the first window and hand it to me, stating I had ordered the small. I told her that it wasn't my problem that the order taker hadn't heard me (this store did not have the order show up on a screen in front of you for preapproval) and that she shouldn't be arguing with me because the customer is always right. With that being said, I balled up the second receipt and threw it back in through the drive-thru window.

My son received his 12-month shots today, which also included a blood draw for his hemoglobin. Since he is still at the stage in life in which he cannot have blood drawn from his arm, a lab technician pricked his finger with a needle. Brody was a trooper and did not begin to cry until she had been using his finger as a cow utter for three minutes. I thought the whole process was ridiculous. She told me to put a piece of gauze on his finger to stop the bleeding, which worked for 5 seconds before he started to squirm and almost fall to the floor. I informed the techinician that it was not working and that she needed to give me something else to stop his finger from bleeding. What was her solution? Five gauze pads and a band-aid. I watched her as she tried to put the monsterous clump of gauze together with the band-aid and fasten it to his tiny finger. I told her once again it wasn't working and I grabbed Brody and furiously walked back to the exam room. A nurse then tried to put a bandage on his finger, which worked until he put it into his mouth and proceeded to remove it from his finger. Blood was everywhere and I was fit to be tied. Needless to say, it was not a pleasant visit to the pediatrician's office this morning.

I could keep adding other instances identical to these that occurred last week, but I think I will spare myself the effort of writing those down. I am very upset that people no longer think about the way in which they treat others. I am guilty of this as well. I didn't have to throw the receipt back through the drive-thru window; it only put me on the same level of the McDonalds' employee. I didn't have to drag off my son after the lab tech didn't listen to me; it didn't better the situation.

I am not sure what is wrong with my behavior lately, but I really hope this is just a momentary lapse of reasoning.

Saint Brody

Today is "All Saints Day" for the rest of the world, but today, for me, it is known as Brody's birthday.

Here is a recent photo of my sweet baby. I cannot believe that he turns one today. This photo makes me very happy and proud to be a mother.

Brody is always happy and has a very personable demeanor--at least for a one-year old. I love you Brody. Happy 1st Birthday! :)

Beautiful Wrecks

From the dark end of this bar, what a beautiful wreck you are...
I really love Shawn Mullins' music. I have found myself singing this song on enumerated occasions. I just love the ironic title. Would it be considered irony? I think it would. If you are wondering why I am even mentioning something like this, look again at the title of my blog.

So much has happened in the last week. It has been difficult to find time to blog. Here are the events that have taken place:

1) My education has come back to haunt me.
A fellow co-worker was working on a newsletter for one of our resource centers and I mentioned to him that I could take a look at it when he was finished. Well--big mistake. My offer to "look" at it turned into redesigning and editing the whole thing. It took three days. Needless to say, it is a lot better, if not 100% better than it was before. I cannot help but be proud of my work. My former college professors would be proud. Since its completion, the co-worker has brought a brochure to my attention. I think I will wait a week before I make any comments on it.

2) My husband is currently on an "unpaid leave of absence" from work.
Last Thursday, my husband was told that he was being suspended for three days because a fellow co-worker supposedly saw him sleeping on the job. The "sleep" in question was acutally my husband rolling his eyes around behind closed eyes due to pain chips falling into them. My husband has an AWFUL case of sleep apnea, and I really find it difficult to believe that he was sleeping silently in a chair. He goes back to work on Wednesday and I really hope his suspension turns out to be paid for.

3) Shame on me for my baby shower lamentations.
On Saturday night, my father called me and told me that my cousin had delivered her baby four weeks early. He also mentioned that my cousin's daughter had been born with Down Syndrome.
I feel very bad for my cousin because my first pregnancy while I was married to my first husband had been a Trisomy 18 Down Syndrome fetus, which didn't survive past the third month of my pregnancy. I don't know if the shower is going to go on as planned or not. Nonetheless, I feel bad for her and her family.

Aside from these things, all else is on an even keel. We celebrated my son's first birthday with family members yesterday afternoon. He did very well; aside from when everyone sang "Happy Birthday" to him. He didn't know what to think about that. I will have to post photos when I receive the photo disk.

The etiquette of baby showers

When I was pregnant with my son last year, I registered for gifts at Target. It was a grueling process that caused me to break down and cry while I was selecting items for his registry. I was so overwhelmed by the amount of baby supplies that I began to panic. What if I didn't order the right thing? What should I be ordering? I calmed myself down and began to think rationally. With the help of my husband, he and I were able to finish our registry without incident.

Two weeks ago, I received an invitation to a baby shower for my cousin. I have not seen her for at least two years. The invitation stated that each person who was attending needed to bring a dish to share because "money was tight". I thought this was rather tacky, but given the sense of these family members, it seemed like something they would do. I called my cousin, who was one of the people giving the shower, to see what I could bring to share. I was told that I should bring either spaghetti or lasagna. I was floored. The other items she rattled off were not much different. I asked her if she had the whole meal planned and she said yes. I thought it was very rude to assume that I would be willing to provide enough lasagna or spaghetti for 20 people. I told her I would bring salad--it was not on her "list".

Aside from the food debacle, the gift registry was another story. My cousin has registered for over 150 items, and some items with mass quantities. I am very disgusted that she has requested 12 packages of baby wipes, eight bottles of baby lotion, seven different kinds of formula, and many other things.

I do not know what I should do in regards to the pending baby shower. My instincts tell me that I need to convey to my cousin that she is violating the rule of gifts: they are to be received and not asked for. The whole thing is just rubbing me the wrong way--but what isn't these days?

Ahhh...Freak out (Le-Freak - So Not Chic)

I think I am at my wits end with my pregnancy. I have been freaking out for no real reason at things that are beyond my control. For instance, the following dialogue occurred between my husband and I yesterday afternoon after he purchased gasoline at a Mobil station:

Mike: Hello?
Stacy: What the hell happened at the gas station?
Mike: What do you mean?
Stacy: There are three transactions currently pending on the checking account for the gas station!
Mike: I put the card in first, and it didn't work. I went in and paid for it after I pumped the gas.
Stacy: What the hell?! Now we just filled someone's gas tank up because you prepaid gas and then paid for it a second time. Why don't you pay attention when you do things? Jesus Christ!

At this point my husband hung-up on me and I called him back. He wouldn't answer my call until I called three times in a row.

Stacy: Don't hang up on me ever again. When I call you; answer the phone. I could go into labor or something and I would be trying to deliver my child by myself. Don't do it again.
Mike: Do you want something?
Stacy: YES! What happened that we are now being charged three times for the gas? You are going to have to go back there and figure it out. If it goes against the checking account overnight, we will have charges over $96.
Mike: I guess we will have to wait until tomorrow.
Stacy: Tomorrow isn't good enough.
Mike: It is going to have to be because I am going to be late for work.

That was the end of the conversation because I hung up the phone on my husband. This morning I called the bank and discovered that we were not charged three times for the gasoline. There was only one charge for $32.

Stacy: I owe you an apology. There was only one charge for the gasoline.
Mike: I cannot hear you.
Stacy: I said I was sorry. Only one charge is pending right now.
Mike: You need to quit freaking out over stupid things.

He was right; I was freaking out for no real reason. If the charge happened three times, then I would have to take care of it AFTER it happened.

This isn't the only episode I have had lately. I have been jumping the gun continuously. When in the hell am I going to have this child? Not soon enough.

Things I think about for no particular reason

1) Why did Charlton Heston play a Mexican in the film "Touch of Evil"?

2) Why did Tony Curtis play American Indian, Ira Hayes, in the film "The Outsider"?

3) Why is Sally Kirkland always photographed at the Academy Awards? Why is she important?

4) Why do people think that Humphrey Bogart is one of the best actors of all time?

5) Why does The Gap use old footage of Audrey Hepburn dancing to AC/DCs' "Back in Black" in one of their commercials? It is really stupid.

6) Why can't I find a copy of the film version of "An American Tragedy", directed by Josef von Sternberg?

7) Why is Brian DePalma considered to be a great director when he really isn't?

8) Why hasn't a film been made about Irving Thalberg?

9) Why hasn't Martin Scorsese won a Best Director Oscar?

10) Jennifer Aniston cannot act. Why is she continually placed in starring film roles?

Why I love my job

Last night when I picked up my son from my in-laws' house he had hives and welts all over his face and could barely see out of his eyes. The night before last he had hives and welts, but at least he could see. My in-laws have two dogs that are never bathed or groomed. Since we don't have any pets at home, I have come to the conclusion that this is why my son has the problems he does. He is allergic to dogs (well at least unkempt dogs).

We have been lucky; my husband and I. For almost a year we have not had to pay for the cost of day care. I work in the morning and my husband works at night. It is hard when you only see your spouse for roughly two out of 120 hours during the working week. It has brought new meaning to the term "working for the weekend".

When I told my supervisor about my plight with the dogs and how I was over-wrought with fear over acquiring day care for my son (and unborn son), she told me that whatever I needed to do was fine with her. If I wanted to come in early in order to leave early, that was fine with her. I told her that I did not want to take advantage of the situation and she told me that I wasn't and she knew I would never do that.

I must have done something right to have found a job like mine. I really must have.

Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself

This is a quote from the Bible. I believe it is in the Book of Matthew, but I am not sure of the chapter or verse. I think it is in the fifth chapter. I don't believe my title is the exact quote, but it is pretty much the theme of the day.

Last night (or technically this morning) my husband came home from work and told me that his supervisor told him that a group of investors from Europe had visited their site and were interested in buying the company. When I heard this, I immediately began to cry. Last year, when I first found out I was pregnant with my son, my husband lost his job shortly thereafter. I endured three months of complete and total stress by being the household breadwinner. When I heard his news about the current situation, I couldn't help but think of what had happened before.

My husband is more optimistic than I am. God bless him. I try to be an optimist, but I am really a pessimist at heart. Who cares if the glass is half full or half empty? It is going to shatter when it drops to the floor anyway.

I stopped crying and realized that there was nothing that could be done about it. If he lost his job; he lost his job. There is nothing he can do to prevent it from happening. It is not his fault. I tend to worry about the intricate details of the whole picture: What about health insurance? What about paying the bills on time? What about income when I am on maternity leave? These were all things that I immediately thought about when he told me the news. Yes, I also have a tendency to overreact as well.

Since last night I have had the chance to think about what would happen if he lost his job (which is the worst case scenario). It would not be the end of the world if it happened. Things would just have to change a bit. I guess I shouldn't worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow will take care of itself.

Wake me up when January ends

In two weeks I will be in the third trimester of my pregnancy--my final pregnancy. I am ready for the end at any time. My monthly check-up was today and I had gained six pounds since last month. My OB questioned this and I told her I had been retaining fluid. After poking my leg with her finger, she agreed with me. I did not receive a prescription for this; only told to watch my sodium intake. I don't know about the rest of you out in "Blogland", but trying to eliminated sodium completely from your diet is like trying not to drink any liquids. Pretty asinine if you ask me.

I also found out that I will be taking a glucose screening test at my next visit, which informs one if they have gestational diabetes or not. Last year I failed the test when I was pregnant with my son. The reason I failed it was because I had eaten a Caramello bar before I went to my appointment that afternoon. I was told that food had no effect on what you eat during the test. I guess that statement was incorrect. I had to take the three-hour test a week later, which ultimately came back negative. I have purposely made my appoinment for the first thing in the morning. I am not going to make it more difficult than it has to be.

When the similarites are too great

I love reading the Bulletin Board in the Pioneer Press. Here was a posting that caught my eye today:

Our times
In Search of a Pseudonym: "In the modern office environment, you will be worked until you are dead. In my small group of co-workers and companions, one carried a workload substantially higher than that of any of her coworkers, while reporting to an evil boss who undermined her every effort and degraded her at every turn, despite the fact that she was well-liked and well-respected by everyone else who worked with her; this continued until she voluntarily took early retirement. Since then, her blood pressure is down, her mood is up, and her weight is down. It's an amazing thing.
"Another co-worker is working 12-hour days and every weekend, trying to keep up with her workload and trying to cover for her incompetent coworkers and employees, all the while also trying to take care of her ailing, elderly mother, and somehow to also have a life.
"A friend is consistently working 60-to-80-hour weeks, and weekends, and when he says anything to his boss, his boss tells him to just do it.
"Of these three I mention, two are salaried, so no matter how much they work, they do not get paid more.
"Within my department, we have sent up the white flag to indicate that we are severely overcapacity and are drowning here. The response? We can set meetings over the lunch hour, earlier in the morning, and later in the evening. So this means that instead of the built-in 10-hour day that I already have, I can work more, but they will give us lunch. Then when they book us through lunch, it is like a reward.
"What is the point of it? I can see the people around me ready to snap. I can see them asking for help … nay, begging for it. I can see how you get held back if you do finally snap. And I can see people getting fired around me if they are not willing or able to live with this insanity.
"It is not just my employer, either. I hear the same stories from several places around town. What happened? How did the expectation go from 40 hours per week with benefits and vacation to 60 hours per week of double- and triple-booking, losing your vacation, never taking a lunch, and still slipping behind on the workload? How did the expectation become that you will never, ever be caught up, no matter how much you give?
"And you dare not complain about it, or you will be labeled a malcontent and made to suffer for it."
BULLETIN BOARD SAYS: We have no answers for you, Pseudonym — but, of course, we are willing (perhaps eager) to hear anyone else's answers … or anyone else's workplace horror stories.

This was too reminiscent of the place I used to work. Here is what I wrote to the Bulletin Board:

I just finished reading Pseudonym’s work horror story, and I could not help but wonder if the three people he/she mentioned were employed by my previous employer on Wabasha Street? The similarities were too great.
Last year when I was pregnant with my first child, I was working 10-12 hour days during my last trimester. I was so overworked that I developed hypertension and had to be put on bed rest a month and a half before my child was due. At no time before being put on bed rest had it been suggested that I cut back in my hours or workload. The stress I had endured was overwhelming. Needless to say, I am no longer working for that organization on Wabasha Street. I am currently due with my second child, and guess what?! I don’t have any hypertension issues to speak of; I am now entering my third trimester of my pregnancy and I have never felt better.
Perhaps I should be applauding my former employer for making me endure nine months of sheer hell while I was pregnant. Without having that experience, I would not be in the place that I am now. Thanks, Bulletin Board.
-Brody’s Mom in Inver Grove Heights

I had to say something. I just had to.

The soundtrack of your life

I love how different songs can bring back memories of the past. For instance, when I met my husband Mike at a keg party (a long story, which is actually pretty cool), I remember constantly hearing a song by Wheat; "I Met A Girl". I think the chorus to the song is great, it is:
I met a girl I'd like to know better, but I'm already with someone.
I met my husband while I was still technically married, even though we had been "divorced" long before that.

When I used to play trivia with my girl, Ntrudr at BW3s, I consistently played two songs by Outkast on the jukebox; "Hey Ya!" and "Ms. Jackson". Those songs remind me of the fun I used to have with her when I had so much sadness in my life. I swear I was living in the bottom of a Miller Lite keg.

When I was a teenager, I use to write song titles in my journals to remind me of what songs were popular during the spring, summer, autumn and winter during my jr. high and high school years. I know that I was really obsessed with "Sowing the Seeds of Love" by Tears for Fears when I was a Freshman; "Cradle of Love" by Billy Idol, which came out the summer before my Sophomore year; "I Touch Myself" by the Divinyls, which reminds me of my Jr. Prom; "Crush Me" by the Dave Matthews Band, which reminds me of when I left my first fiance and went to live on my own; "Cannonball"by Damien Rice reminds me of when I came to the realization that above anything else in life, I needed to make myself happy. What a wonderful song!

I really think I need to get an IPOD or an MP3 player so I can listen to a lot of the songs I no longer hear on a regular basis.

Don't ever buy the extended warranty - Part II

Yesterday I received a letter in the mail from Signet Financial Corporation in Vacaville, California, informing me that I was not entitled to a refund of my extended warranty because I had utilized it on 2/14/03. I found this to be ridiculous. The only time I had used it was when I had brought it in to have the stalling of the engine checked out. They did not find anything wrong with the vehicle when I brought it in; nor did they replace any parts--well, I guess there was a brake light out, which would have cost $3 at most.

Today I called Inver Grove Ford and finaly spoke to someone who wasn't chewing gum in my ear or speaking in a "sing-song" voice, who told me that I had received a rental car while my car was being serviced, which would have caused the warranty to be utilized. He told me he would send a copy of the work order to me via fax. I have not seen it yet, and I am not going to hold my breath either.

I am outraged by this. OUTRAGED! Since when does a $3 repair surmount to exhausting a $2K warranty refund? Bullshit. That is what this whole thing is; bullshit. DO NOT EVER BUY A VEHICLE FROM INVER GROVE FORD IN INVER GROVE HEIGHTS, MN. DO NOT EVER PURCHASE AN EXTENDED WARRANTY FOR A VEHICLE EITHER!

Some things are better left unseen

I am a film scholar by degree. I attended three year's worth of classes on film at SCSU. When people ask me (which is quite frequently) what my favorite film is, I find it difficult to answer. I don't have just one favorite film. There are at least 10 films that I would classify as being my "favorites". When I haven't seen a film that someone else adores, it is as if I have commited a sin. Being a film scholar does not mean that I have seen every film that exists. This would be impossible.

I really enjoy the AFI film series programs that have been televised. Although I do not agree with all of their choices, I have found that there are a lot of similiarities. When I read through their top 100 list of films, I realized that I have not seen 10 of their top 50 films. Here they are:

1) Lawrence of Arabia - I have seen parts of this film, but not the whole thing. It was a film shown in my 1960s film class, but I think I might have fallen asleep. The beginning was good when he was in a motorcycle accident.

2) The Bridge on the River Kwai - I have not seen this because it was something that my dad would have forced me to watch against my will as a child. Defiance, defiance, defiance...

3) The African Queen - I don't really care for Katharine Hepburn and I cannot stand Humphrey Bogart; enough said.

4) Chinatown - I have always wanted to see this, but haven't. I'll have to remember this one.

5) The Grapes of Wrath - I have seen parts of this as well. I remember watching part of it in my American History class in 10th grade, but since the class was after lunch, I fell asleep. I don;t care too much for Henry Fonda either. On the subject of Fonda, I have SEEN "On Golden Pond" and I couldn't figure out if Fonda was acting or being himself. I think I have said enough.

6) Raging Bull - I have tried to watch this enumerated times since I love Scorsese, but I cannot do it. I am not sure why not, but it just doesn't work for me. Any suggestions?

7) The Treasure of the Sierra Madre - Humphrey Bogart; enough said.

8) To Kill a Mockingbird - I loved the book by Harper Lee, but I am always a bit apprehensive to see a film based on a book because, more times than not, the film is not as good as the book.

9) Dr. Zhivago - I have seen parts of this. It can make you feel cold in the middle of a blazing hot summer. I guess I just haven't had the time to sit through the whole thing.

10) Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid - I don't really care for the comedic duo of Redford/Newman. I do want to know why people have continuous asked Ted Cassidy (Lurch from Addams Family) to sign a photo still from the movie in which Butch Cassidy is being kicked in the balls. Does that make sense?

Not enough time on my hands

Last night, after my husband and I put our child down for the night, I noticed that our living room ceiling fan had about two inches of dust on it. I was disgusted. I then realized that most of my house was covered in dust. I immediately grabbed a handful of papertowels, some Swiffer wipes, some cleaning agents from when I worked at Ecolab, and began to dust and clean all of the windows, mirrors and fans in our house. When I was done, I felt a sense of accomplishment. My windows no longer had smudges of little fingerprints on them and my fans were dust free.

I don't think that my angst was driven entirely by the dust on the fan. Once I sat down and looked at my work, I began to think about the last time I was entirely by myself. I couldn't remember. Does anyone really have enough time on their hands to accomplish all of the things they would like? I don't think so.

The 80s

I just visited one of my favorite web-sites, planetdan.com, and I saw a post featuring the new Trivial Pursuit game for 1980s trivia. The people who were featured in the promo photo for the game were NOT 80s icons by my standards; not in the least.

There was not one member of the "Brat Pack"in the photo, which is a given for any reference to the 80s culture. "Magic" Johnson, Larry Bird, Bo Jackson (because he knew) and Carl Lewis would have been better choices for sports representation than Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. What were these people thinking? In the 80s I had Scott Baio and C. Thomas Howell plastered on my walls. Corey Feldman? I think I thought about him once when I saw "Stand By Me", which wasn't even until the latter part of the decade.

The 80s were the greatest decade. I had plastic jelly shoes, shaker-knit sweaters, over-sized- gray-sweatshirts-with-the-collar-ripped-off, stirrup pants, lace headbands and fingerless-gloves. My hair was always six inches off my scalp and secured with AquaNet. I was an 80s girl.

Should I stay or should I go?

My cousin was married last month on the 19th of September. She was supposed to get married this coming February, but she and he "husband" decided to elope to Vegas. I do not have a problem with people getting married in Vegas; I did it myself. I am, however, not too happy to attend a bridal shower for someone who is already married.

When I spoke to my husband about this, his concern was not about opting for a gift or not, he wanted to know why I would want to go to a smoky bar on a Saturday night to eat deep-fried appetizers and watch drunk people. I love the way he puts things into perspective for me. I agreed; being six months pregnant in a smoky bar did not appeal to me at all. Part of me feels obligated, however, because my cousin was a bridesmaid in my first wedding ceremony. This is my debate: should I stay home or should I go?

I do not know what etiquette is for attending bridal showers for someone who is already married. I didn't have a bridal shower when I came back from Vegas, but I had been married once before. Perhaps I need to ask "Dear Abby."

An addiction like no other

I am not a big chocolate lover; at least not right now. I do like one kind of "chocolate" right now that is not like any other: Fannie May Mint Meltaways. They are a light pastel green coated with a delicious mint chocolate center. I have always been a fan of mint chocolate; too bad Hershey's doesn't hop on that bandwagon.

Making it count

Why is it when a game is of utmost importance for our home team to win it is treated as if it doesn't matter at all? I am not just talking about the pathetic loss of the Minnesota Twins to the Oakland Athletics, I am also talking about the Vikings losing to the Buffalo Bills this past Sunday. What is wrong with Minnesota sports teams? Did the Twins really need two pitchers in the ninth inning? Can Brad Johnson ever throw a football longer than nine yards? I hate to say it, but I am missing Daunte Culpepper already. So much time was spent rallying for the Twins over the last 48 hours. Such a waste of time! they failed to deliver a win. I guess I should not be surprised.

Don't ever buy the extended warranty

In 2001, I bought my first new car, which was a Ford Focus SE. I was involved with the ex-husband at the time, who had the backbone of a snail, so bargaining was not an option. On August 29, 2001 I paid around $17,000 for my vehicle, which by today's standards, was a rip-off. I should have seen the writing on the wall at Inver Grove Ford when the salesMAN spoke to the ex and not to me. I finally told him that I was the one purchasing the vehicle and if he wanted me to buy the vehicle, he had better start talking to me.

Since the ex was not car savvy, I thought it was a good idea at the time to purchase the extended warranty on the vehicle. I figured since I was buying a new car, I had better have all of my bases covered. I purchased it for almost $2K. When I bought it, I was told that I would receive a refund of the total cost if I never used it. The office manager made it sound so simple; famous last words.

It has been five years since I bought the Focus and I still own it. It is mine; bought and paid for. It has approximately 63K miles right now, which is very good for a 2001 vehicle. When the warranty was up, I immediately searched for my paperwork to "get the ball rolling" on my refund. I had no idea it was going to turn into such an ordeal.

I was just informed by the warranty company that the package I sent to them on the 20th was not received until the 25th and that it would take an additional 60 days before I would see any information on my refund.

What is the moral of my tale? Cars are built to last; don't buy the extended warranty.

Two sons; no daughters

Last week, I found out that I will be giving birth to another son. I have only told a few people the truth; I am sad that I will never know what it is like to have a daughter. My husband and I decided that after this pregnancy, I would not be having any more children. Since our odds of winning the Powerball are against us; we won't be having any more children. I am sad that I will never know what it is like to take my "daughter" to dance classes, talk to her about boys, cry with her through her emotional fits of hormonal rage. This really bothers me. I admit it. If one more person tells me that at least I will be able to reuse the clothes I have from my first son, I think I will vomit. For some reason I don't see how the ability to reuse clothing compares to having a female child.

Billowing puffs of fluffy television

Last summer while I was pregnant with my son, I was put on bed rest and needed a new way to pass my time. Since I couldn't go for walks or do anything that required moderate activity, I rented the first season DVDs of "Lost". I became immediately hooked. I couldn't get enough of it. As the summer passed, I waited with bated breath for the second season to start. When it did; I was disappointed. I found that it was difficult to keep up with what was "happening inside the hatch". I guess feeding my son his bottles took top priority.

Since then, I have found myself watching a lot of "fluff" on TV. I don't like all reality television shows, just a few: "Flavor of Love 2", "Dancing with the Stars", "Rockstar: Supernova", and "American Idol". With all the "dark" in the world during the day, I would rather not have my nights laden with murder and drugs as well.

I feel like I am sounding a bit like Guy's wife in "Fahrenheit 451", but at least I do not believe I am part of these television shows; as if the rest of the cast is waiting for me to speak my line in order for the program to carry on. I am not planning on a drug overdose either. Believe you me. Bring on the "fluff"! :)

Turn a light on the dark areas of your life

The reason why I started writing my blog was to have a way to vent my thoughts and ideas about enumerated things. I do not tend to go into any "dark areas" of thought with my blog because I believe that emphasis on the negative events that took place during my childhood are best left in the past. The only reason I am even discussing this is because I read someone else's blog today and it made me very sad for the person who wrote it. I do not want to go into details, but I empathized with her.

I could make a list on my blog of all the things that happened when I was a child; some of which would really drop a jaw or two. Why bother? I used to believe that my life would make such an interesting novel. As I have grown older, I no longer think so. My life is no more unique than anyone else's life. Each person has a set of interesting or noteworthy experiences that differ us from one another; that is all. I am not sure if I have been changed by time, motherhood, or other unexplained circumstances.

I like to read other blogs because I find other people interesting. I like to read about their thoughts, ideas and dreams. Perhaps I shouldn't be critical of that person's wish to blog about the "dark areas" of her childhood.

The most wonderful time of the year

Yesterday, as I was listening to people curse the cold while walking the sidewalks of the Cathedral Hill district of St. Paul, I was relishing it. I love autumn and the "smell" it has. I will try to explain what each season smells like...

Spring - An earthy aroma with hints of fresh grass and pure running water.
Summer - A coconut fragrance with traces of heated asphalt.
Autumn - An apple-dried leaf-pumpkin spice combination with traces of crisp wind.
Winter - An icicle-coated, evergreen tree scent with whisps of fresh linen.

I like autumn and winter the best. I am sorry, but there is no better feeling than sitting in an overstuffed chair, looking out the window, drinking hot chocolate and watching the snow fall. I love the serenity of it all. There is something to be said about the look of fresh, untouched snow. I cannot wait for my son to experience snow for the first time this year. The joyous look on a child's face when he or she plays in the snow for the first time is priceless.

9/11

I always used to say that my generation would be the first to experience life without war. My great-grandparents had experienced WW I, my grandparents experienced WW II, my parents experienced the Vietnam War, which ultimately left a blank page for my generation. I said this statement back in the late 1980s (before the Persian Gulf War). Little did I know that all would change.

I am bringing this up today because it is the fifth anniversary of the World Trade Center attacks, and I find it hard to believe that five years have passed already. So much has happened in five years. I have had four jobs, four places of residence, two husbands and one child. Wow! That is a lot to occur in five years. I don't think I have had such a run since childhood.

I remember September 11, 2001 vividly. I worked at 8 a.m. over off of 280 and University Ave., the business no longer exists, so it is not worth mentioning. Another co-worker and I were the only two people in our office when she shouted over her cubicle to me that a plane had flew into the World Trade Center. At first I thought it was just a terrible mistake; a pilot had misjudged or the plane had some sort of technical malfunction. The next few events proved my theory was incorrect.

Happy Birthday to my former fiancé

Today is the 33rd birthday of my first fiancé, Andrew. Although I have to spoken to him in over a year now, I still think about him. He was my first "real" love; that is something that no one can ever forget. If it was not for Andrew, I never would have met my first or my current husband. Isn't that interesting? Andrew was my prom date when I was a Junior in high school. Although we went as friends at the time, we soon became boyfriend/girlfriend. After we moved in together, we became fiancé/fiancée. After being engaged for about a year, we were no more. I knew the end was in sight when I was making wedding plans and he asked me if I could meet with the priest who was to marry us on my own. Needless to say, it was over.

I haven't seen Andrew since I married my first husband. Interesting. I don't like to talk about my first husband, or discuss my first marriage at any lengths. The interesting part about my first marriage ceremony was that Andrew, his parents, his grandmother and sister were all in attendance. Oh yes--and Andrew's fiancée, Lisa. I think the worst part about ending my relationship with Andrew was the end of my relationship with his family as well. I loved as I loved my own family members. It is too bad that I wasn't able to keep my relationship with them.

Happy Birthday, Andrew. Best wishes for another year of life.

Mary, Mary Quite Contrary

I have three stepsisters: Mary, Anna and Laurel. Laurel will be graduating from high school this coming spring 2007. Anna recently moved into an apartment with several friends of hers. Mary is an irresponsible individual who is self-centered and immature. Can you tell how I feel about her? Have I made my feelings known or am I being a bit cryptic? I think I will further explain why I feel the way I do about her.

In 1996, I lived with my grandmother, father, stepmother and stepsisters in Falcon Heights. It was something I had never done before that and I found it to be quite enjoyable--at least until I found out Mary was constantly stealing from me. She would steal packs of gum, money, cosmetics, etc. from my room. When I would notice items missing, I would approach her and ask her about it. She would always deny it--even though I found the evidence in her room.

Over the years, Mary has had her fair share of problems; all of course, brought on by herself. This last March, she gave birth to a baby girl who should have been put up for adoption immediately. The "father" of this child is a fine piece of work; he has three daughters with three different mothers and has admitted he hoped this child of Mary's would be "his boy". Since the birth of his fourth daughter, this fine gentleman has done nothing to better the life of his new family. He refuses to work and he refuses to watch my niece because he "cannot deal with it". I was recently told that he has checked himself into a "two-week treatment program", which is something I have never heard of.

Mary has an option right now that would be the best thing she could possibly do for her child. Her father, who lives in Iowa, is giving her an option to move to his house and live with the baby. Mary does not want to do this because it would be "breaking up her family"--meaning ditching the distingushed father-of-the-year. (Sorry for the use of sarcasm, but I cannot help it) I really wish she would reconsider what she is doing. I know I am not the best person to be dispensing advice because I am not a saint, but I know that if she moves, it would be the best thing she could ever do for her child--at least right now.

I really hope she reconsiders her decision to stay in Minnesota. No one can tell her what she should do because she knows what is best for her and her child. This is such a trite statement. I wish that every person who has said this at one time or another actually meant it. I know Mary does not.

Tuesday Afternoon

Great...Now I have that song by the "Moody Blues" in my head. Perhaps I can think of something else to take my mind off from that. Okay...no...it is not going to happen. Oh well. There are far worse things that could be on my mind right now.

So much for an elongated post today. I am worried about the potential surgery my little one might have to have if his barium test shows odd results tomorrow. For all of those out there who have little ones who don't have reflux issues, consider yourselves lucky. It is an emotionally draining affliction. Take care all. More rants tomorrow.

TGIF

I really dislike acronyms. It seems like everything that exisits is part of some sort of an acronym or another. I am not sure why they exist. Who knows?! To be honest, I think I am spending too much time on the subject.

This afternoon I met up with some former co-workers at the River Room in the new Macy's in St. Paul. I was going through popover withdrawl, so I figured I had better satisfy my need. As it turns out, things have gone to hell in a handbasket since I left my department. The person who replaced me when I left is completely imcompetent. That really makes me happy. Although my former boss thinks this person walks on water, I am overjoyed that my former co-workers miss the way I used to "get things done". Oh well. I am happy to be out of that place.

In two weeks I am supposed to eat brunch at Hell's Kitchen in Minneapolis. I have never been. How is the food? Since I am pregnant, nothing sounds good to me. Everything seems to be lackluster at best. If anyone knows, give me a shout.

For all my rants and raves that are fit to read...

This is the very first blog I have ever had! :) I figured that I needed a way to vent my thoughts and feeling about my life without continuously sending elongated emails to people who never know quite how to respond. How about I talk a bit about me...

I am 32 year-old Sagittarius with passions for film, poker and my family (not necessarily in that order). I am an educated woman -- meaning that I have a BA in English and a BS in Mass Communications. Do I use my majors at my current job? No. Can anyone really say that they do? More times than not -- no. I have a wonderful, sexy husband and an absolutely adorable nine-month-old son who is the light of my life, at least until I give birth again in another five and a half months. :)

That is all the time I have for my blog right now. So much to do, so little time. :)